I was with my bestfriend in a shopping escapade when my mobile phone rings with an unknown number. I answered with a ‘hello’ and the caller says ‘Hi’ – I freezed in awe and convinced myself that I thought wrong. But I know, I was not. I don’t want to sound too excited to hear the voice from the other end and pretend that I don’t have a clue of who my caller was.
“Marge?”, he asked trying to make sure that he’s talking to the right person.
I said, “Yes, this is Marge. And you are?”, as I crossed my fingers hoping that I wasn’t wrong.
“Andy here. I hope you still remember me..”, he said. His voice was hopeful and excited and alive.
I said ‘alive’ because I think that’s the best way to describe it from a person whom I thought was out of existence. Or maybe I was just forgotten.
How in the world could I forget that name. For more than a year time, I didn’t gave up my hopes that one day he will call me and when that happens, everything will be right. It was one year and five months. There was almost nothing to remember between us, but it was so much for me to treasure. The night of our meeting lived in my heart and I can vividly recall each and every moment of it.
I still don’t want him to feel that I knew him instantly.
I said, “Andy from….?”. I don’t want to be suspected of playing games here but I want to conceal myself. Not now. Not so fast.
Again, the eagerness in his voice makes my heart thump louder.
“We met in the safari before.. we actually spent that night in the safari together. C’mon, Marge.. its me..”, his last words is begging me to remember him.
“Uhmmn..,” I mumbled, “Andy..”, and I heard him sigh like he was relieved.
I am obviously out of words. What is there to say?
“So, how are you?”, I asked him.
“I’m good.. fine.. how are you? I am so glad you still have the same number. It’s a long story how I found your number after losing it. This is my lucky day!” It seems that he can’t stop his words. “Marge, I’m not sure whether my timing is right but I really didn’t entertained any second thought to enter my mind because all I need is to call you and ask to meet with you, if you will be available?”
I was startled. What’s with this guy now? He lost and found my number. No details. This is his lucky day – because he found my number? Then he’s talking about right timing and the need to call and meet me. That’s a ‘need’?
“Hey,” I was trying to compose myself. I cannot raise questions now. “Anything urgent? Hahaha.” I hope the sound of my laugh wasn’t fake. “See, I cannot meet you tonight..”, I said, recalling my schedule for the coming nights.
“Tomorrow?”, he asked like he cannot wait.
I don’t understand the rush.
“Okay. Call me around 6pm tomorrow and I’ll confirm if we can meet around 8. Would that be fine?”
Do you know how being lucky sounds like? “Great. Great.” It was in his voice.
“It’s not confirmed yet, just to be clear.” I said.
“Yah, I know. But still, I will look forward to it.” He said in conformity of my idea.
I suddenly remembered that I am with my bestfriend Sally and wondered where she is. I walked without knowing where my feet would lead me. Still feeling a bit lost or amazed, not sure what word would exactly describe how I feel after talking to him.
“So, who called you?”, Sally came from behind, “.. that seemed serious.”, she said.
I looked at her straight in the eye and said, “It was Andy..”. I don’t need to explain to her. My bestfriend knows everything.
***
The next day was a busy day for me so I didn’t have a hard time keeping him out of my head. It helps to get through the day when you’re not counting the hours. At 6pm sharp, my phone was ringing, it was him. The guy wouldn’t miss.
We drove to one of the famous hotels in the city with its fine dining restaurant at the 3rd level overlooking the sea. It was an expensive place but he insisted on. “This place is perfect, you’ll see.”, he told me. We headed to a corner with a table for two and the place is like a part of a park with some street lamps and park benches. The air was filled with a soft instrumental music.
I don’t need to say more because the place is amazing. But what is more overwhelming is the thought of spending a few hours of the night with him. While I was trying to appear cool, I can see the smile that he cannot hide. It is evidently there and it was real.
We preferred to sit in the open where the wind would blow my hair and touch my face. It is not the winter wind anymore but the summer is yet to come. It was indeed a perfect night being seated in a cozy place with a guy whom I once dreamt to be a friend (or more than that) under the stars and before the rushing waves on the shore.
Light conversations came up while we are enjoying dinner. Good food. Good place. Perfect setting.
“Thank you for coming tonight. It was my great pleasure.”, he started.
I smiled. He was looking at me in the eye and there was the genuine feel of his presence beside me.
“Marge, I know that there was something I left before I was gone last year. I am deeply sorry. I really do not know where to start or when to stop saying sorry. I hope it wasn’t too late for me to do this.”
Do I need to hide my true self now? His words strucked me. Oh, yes, there was something he left before he’s gone – and that was me. I was left hanging all alone. I waited each day hoping that he will remember me because I believed him when he told me that he likes me and he feels something special towards me. Because I feel the same. And I was left with questions that I cannot find the answers when all of the sudden, he stopped calling me and I cannot reach him anymore. A few times I tried dialing his number and I failed to contact him. Then I stopped trying.
I was already freaking out with all the questions in my head why he’s gone and out of reach. Thoughts like something bad happened, or he got sick, or had an accident, or maybe he got married, or had a better job in another country, and many more. To shut myself up, I satisfied myself thinking that he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life. I tried to let go. But thinking of him in every waking hour of my life is inevitable.
I looked out in the shore, taking my eyes from his. I am not sure if I can take the moment without getting emotional. I would try hard not to. I rise from my seat and walked a few steps away from the table facing the shore. A better way to conceal my teary eyes.
“Is there anything that you need to tell me?”, I asked him in a soft voice.
The wind blew gently. He followed me and stood beside me. We’re both in front of nature and I can feel the presence of the Almighty like He’s looking directly at us and listening to our hearts.
“It has been foolish the way I talked to you that one night in December when I asked you to go out with me and you refused because it’s already late but still, I endlessly insisted. I honestly don’t know how to apologize for wanting something that I know would scare you off. And when you finally said ‘yes’ to meet me that same night after compromising that we can meet and talk near your place, I just preferred to drink with my friends who came over .”
I recalled that night, vividly.
“Remember, I called you again in the morning and asking you to see me. Again, it was a fool of me to ask you to skip work. It’s unreasonable and I understand your refusal. And after then, I haven’t had the courage anymore..”
I kept my ears open. I can feel that he’s got more to tell.
“Until you send me the message that you don’t want to spoil what’s between us then because we were just starting the friendship and I’m beginning to earn your trust. I am the one who spoiled everything and I wanted to make it right this time.”
“I lost your number because I lost my phone. I don’t know where to reach you. It’s only then that I realized how easy it is to lose a person and not care anymore but in time, I realized that you are the one that I was looking for and I’ve been crazy for not knowing how to find you.”
“Mid last year, I went home with the request of my parents and they asked me to get engaged with a girl from my country. You know very well our culture is like this but I said ‘no’ and I was firm with that. I pleaded my father that I will get married to a girl whom I love and in time, I will bring her to them. I am thankful that my father granted my plea and freed me to go back here.”
“I never stopped looking for ways to find you. I almost asked every person from your country if they know a person by your name ‘Marge’. It is all I got. I also traced from the tours their clients on that date we met but I failed. And I even befriended one guy in the telecom to help me find your number.” Deep sighs in between. “I called all the numbers he supplied me but there was no you.”
I don’t want to pass my judgment on him. Because my heart may be blinded by what I am feeling but my mind is taking control.
“Something inside is telling me to push harder. I am getting crazy because it was too long already and I am afraid that you might not be here anymore. I prayed hard and hoped hard.”
“I frequented the malls near your place in the evenings and weekends, but I didn’t come across you. I also went back to the safari desert a number of times hoping to find you there again. Until this telecom guy gave me three more numbers just the other day, with different names close to yours. I called them all and to end my search, after a year time, the last of the three numbers was yours.”
I looked at him and not knowing what to say, I held his hand with mine and pressed it with my lips. I’m not sure if I can fight my tears. I looked away again. I can feel my body shaking while my heart beats harder. This is not the moment to hide whatever is there to be laid upon. I am so vulnerable.
He faced me, lifted my chin up and looked at me in the eyes. I cannot hold my tears back and I let it flow, which dampen the back of his hand.
“I am so sorry.” He whispered then wiped my tears from both eyes.
He understand I cannot speak. He draw me to his shoulders and kissed my forehead.
Again he whispered, “I cannot afford to lose you again. I will take care of you.”
It was the stars, the rushing sea and us. Sometimes, some things happen without knowing the reason why but I believe that the universe has its own way of bringing two people together in God’s own time. Not his, not mine.
***
Maybe sleep wouldn’t come tonight in my bed. I was lying for two hours and still, my eyes are not closing. I can hear his words over and over again. And feeling how he needs to find me so badly is enough to know his intentions.
I keep on wondering if this is the answer to my prayers. It would be too early to tell. I never had any clue that meeting him would lead on to something like this. This usually happens in movies with all the script carefully written to create a fairy-tale like atmosphere for the audience, but not in real life. Not here in the city where everybody can be anybody’s somebody. Where you meet one person now and never know where he is tomorrow. My mind is wandering around and I cannot stop reading the SMS he sent me after he got home.
It says, ‘I’ve waited for tonight to happen for so long. Trust that I mean it when I said that I will take care of you. Have a good night’s sleep, my dear.’
I remember him telling me ‘I Love You’s’ after we first met over a year ago. I told him to stop because it’s impossible to tell that he loves me after only meeting me a few times. Why is there a need to be lost? Why is there hope to strengthen us to hold on? Why the heart never gives up on love?
How much can you hold a person who means so much to you and never let him or her slip into your grasps? How much freedom do you have to express yourself and tell the world how much you care for someone? How much love can you give without the fear of being hurt and losing it all?
It’s 4am.
Thank God, it’s Friday.
