Monday 19 October 2009

A Sad Lament

Like how the desert thirst for even the fewest drops of rain, I missed you. Unfathomable as it may seem to many but I am aching for a moment just to have a sight of you. To hold you would be a stroke of my luck and to love you will be the fate that I would trade the world for. I love you, my everdearest. Though this may sound just like a poetic piece of literature, understand that these words would not be written if my heart is empty and not beating.

You crashed into me one day and our pieces collided altogether that we cannot isolate each from the other. I cannot part myself from you and you from me. We are entwined. It is only human to feel that I am one with you. I submit myself. I surrender.

I felt love in its highest form. Forgiving, unselfish and trusting. This is what you have made me of. There is no reason to refuse it. You are the water that flows in the stream and I am just flowing with you, not being afraid of the fall at the end because right then, I knew that however high the fall would be, you are still with me, enveloping me with your current - because we are whole. The plunge may be deep or the bottom could be rocky and it may hurt but you are with me. And I could find peace with that thought.

However the time and distance separates us now, not even in a brief second of my conscious and unconscious self have you ever parted from my existence on this temporal Earth. We are holding on that one day, we will be together and it will happen someday. Though it may still be a far away place and the absence sometimes makes the hope futile and the someday appears bleak, I believe that I could reach that place with you. The longing only keeps me alive and wanting.

My beloved, you will be the reality of my dreams. And if this is a fairy tale that I am living now, I beseech you to be my real-life Prince. I know in my heart that I could love only you and your love would be enough to keep me forever.

Each day is the beginning of the rest of our lives and I could only regret of the days that I am not with you. It is the sad lament of a heart that loves.

Tuesday 13 October 2009

The Battle Between the Heart and the Mind

“One is so brainy, the other is too emotional. At what point could they ever compromise? Or would they ever.. ever compromise?”

With all hair neatly packed up with a big clasp, she wore her black-framed eyeglasses and slipped on her 2-inch heeled shoes that goes with her dark gray suit. One more look in the full-length mirror, pleased with what she saw, then off she go. Smart. Intelligent. Strong. She is a Woman. She will walk confidently and will face the world with firmness like nothing on Earth is negotiable. It’s all in the mind. Everything is in the mind. It was all that matters.

Her ally will greet the world each day depending on the emotion she feels. Her hair lightly falls down on her back & shoulders. She takes time to smell the roses and hear songs. She laughs, she cries. She can wear a smile all day when she is happy and she can stay up all-night crying with her broken-heart. Loving. Caring. Subtle. She is a Woman. What she feels in her heart is all that matters. Love is what makes the world goes round. Without it, the world would stop turning.

When these two are together, that is when the battle begins. And they are practically together each moment of their lives so the battle continuously lives.
“Why can’t you put that smile off?”, the Mind asks the Heart noticing that the other is so blissful one night. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

The Heart gave her a grin. Her eyes are sparkling with what she feels. “You wouldn’t believe how wonderful this guy I met was. He’s just the reality of all my dreams.” And she danced & swirled around the room.

The Mind just stayed put, took off her glasses, turned her lampshade off and without anymore questions, she said, “You should not trust anyone. Don’t get fooled, am telling you.”

The Heart only smiled and dreamingly pulled her blanket up. With the guy in her thoughts, she whispered, “Tonight, please be in my dreams.” and closed her eyes.

In the morning, before the Mind left the house, she wrote a note for the Heart. It says, “ I only care about you. Don’t open up to anyone that would break you into pieces in the end.”

One afternoon after shopping, they are seated on an ice cream parlor in a walkway when suddenly the mobile phone rings. The Mind stared at the Heart closely while the latter was engaged on the call. Afterwards, the Mind asked her, “Same guy?”

With smiles almost reaching her ears, the Heart said, “Yes. He is so sweet and funny and… he likes me.. he even said he loves me.. and I like him, too.. he is one great guy.. isn’t that wonderful?” The Mind can see stars in the Heart’s eyes and she was worried that the Heart is falling in love. She shook her head.
The Mind held the Heart by the hand and told her, “How could you trust that he loves you? How did you know that he is a good person? Nobody knows him. How can you tell me he’s not just playing around? He might be fooling you. And you’re letting yourself be hooked. You are crazy. I already warned you.” The Mind was unbending.

The Heart knows that the Mind would never ever understand what she feels. And yes, she is in love. And it is not a question whether the guy is real or just a fantasy. Right now, the only thing that matters is she feels love and she believes him. Deep inside, she believes that he loves her.

The days had been beautiful. The flowers are pretty. It was so easy to smile and appreciate all the little things around. The Heart and the Mind have not talked as often as before so the Heart left a note one time in the Mind’s bed saying, “I know how much you care and I can only ask you to be happy for me.”

Until one day, the Mind came home and found the Heart in tears. She already knows it. The Heart never listens.. and worse.. she never learns. She went close to her, wiped her tears and whispered to her, “Cry it out loud.. you are just as stubborn as you always are.”

The Heart wrapped her arms tightly to the Mind knowing that she will stand with her no matter how things may be. She heard the Mind saying, “I couldn’t feel like you do but I can always think. That’s what I do. You need me and you got to listen to me. We cannot go our own separate ways. We have to be there for each other at all times.”

“I could only feel.. You would just hear me throbbing and there is no season for it.. There could only be Love and I would open myself when I feel it.. I would not let it pass.. even if it would hurt me in the end.”, the Heart says in between sobs.

The Mind comforted the Heart. “I will look after you from now on. You should let me.”

It took sometime for them to work on things together. It’s not easy to just go with what the other wants. But they were trying to learn how to meet halfway.
In one party they’ve been invited, the Mind saw a guy smiling at her. She just turned her eyes away and look for friends. She noticed the Heart smiling back at the guy.

“You’re starting again!”, the Mind speaks.

Still smiling, “He looks gorgeous, don’t you think?”, the Heart says.

Raising her brows and folding her arms, the Mind turned again to the Heart saying, “He’s dressed nicely but he looks like a Casanova who’s sweeping off the girls feet all over town. You wouldn’t want to be in his list.”

“Oh c’mon, dear. Who knows? He could be the love of my life..”, the Heart begs the Mind.

They heard a strange voice not from afar, telling them, “You’ll never know unless you would take a chance.”

Startled, they both asked, “Who are you?”

Laughing at their confusion, the voice speaks, “It’s me.. the Spirit.. or you can call me Guts.. am your hidden buddy. But now, I need to surface-out between the two of you.”

The Guts continued, “Take a chance, Heart, so you would not be wondering all your life with all the ‘what-could-have-beens’ but always be guarded, and that’s the job for the Mind to do. Don’t walk out on each other and never ignore the other. Compromise is the best thing to always do in life and in love.”

The Mind and the Heart couldn’t react to what they just heard. The Guts is right. That’s the way to do it. And before they even realized, the Guts disappears.

They were surprised to see the good-looking guy walking in their direction.
“Hi, I couldn’t believe that an angel would be in a place like this at this hour of the night”, the guy tries to charm her.

The Heart smiles while the Mind is on the lookout. She said her name and accepts the handshake the guy offered.

That same night upon reaching home, they both found a note on the table. It says, “I always work on call. Just call on me when you need me.”

And the battle came to rest.