"Sometimes in our lives, we still wish for things that we know we cannot get or that cannot happen or that cannot be ours. When we want something so much, we don’t let go of the littlest of hope, we never let it die. Because somewhere in our hearts, we believe that miracles do happen.
"We come to a decision after wasting an enormous amount of time thinking & weighing all that matters. Once we have 'that' decision, we must push ourselves to move forward and take the risks that comes along. Moving forward is always stepping out of our comfort zones and going back is always easy to do. But we really don't have to. God is always with us. He is behind us to push us forward, beside us to walk with us, in front of us to lead us, and over us to bless us. We must not fear."
Had it ever happened to you when you wanted to stop thinking but your mind couldn’t? When you’re so confused and could not decide what to do or where to go? When you know that there shouldn’t be questions like these but still you keep on asking yourself? When the only thing for you to do is to rest your body, close your eyes and sleep?
But you couldn’t.
And you lose precious hours of sleep and there is nothing else to look forward to but one drowsy day ahead.
You keep on thinking.. hard. As if it could change what you know is certain to happen.
Maybe I should stop. And maybe I should get some sleep.
"We cannot frame each moment of our lives. It will only pass and then gone forever. That's exactly the purpose of my writings. To keep them alive and fresh, I bind them in words wherein I can picture them as vivid as the exact moment it happened."
Your heart is breaking and you’re listening to ‘Feels Like Home’. Is that some sort of self-healing or theraphy? Can a love song soothe your broken heart? But how could you find comfort when the song only makes you hope on something that appears so bleak? “Something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself.. in your arms..” Ahhh! You are so in-love! “Something in your voice makes my heart beat fast.. hope this feeling last for the rest of my life..” Well, it would surely last if you wouldn’t try to get rid of it.
The person who you thought is ‘The One’ doesn’t have any feeling of romantic affection towards you. How’s that? Talk about destiny and soulmates and that is all he’s not! You have felt all the magic and have seen all the chemistry and you are only waiting for him to..
“Time.. I’ve been passing time watching trains go by..” Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The clock is ticking and there’s not a single clue from him that he’s gonna tell you what you wanted to hear. Or what you’re hoping all your life to hear, or what you’re wishing so hard to hear, or what you’re fervently praying to hear. You already stripped a number of leaf from your calendar and still there’s nothing from him. You’re hanging on the thinnest thread of hope that you’ve got. ‘What if? What if he would?’, you say. “Something’s telling me it might be you..”
But what if he would not? What would happen to the months and years of emotional investment you had?
You have to accept that you could never be more than friends. Yes, “it must have been love..” but your fantasies should be over now. You could never be lovers and that you have to start letting go and try moving on. You may say “I know I’ll never love this way again..” but don’t hold on. Let go and love again. Maybe not exactly the same way but take yourself out there and love again.
Get out of your shell, out of your fantasies. Face the reality. Stop ‘preserving’ yourself for the hope that one day, he will realize that he feels the same way like you do. Open up yourself to others. Who knows? You might bump with your ‘Valentine’ just around the corner.
He doesn’t want a commitment. He doesn’t want to make any promises. He doesn’t want a relationship. But he gets close to you and calls you a ‘special friend’. Not friends with benefits but a special friend. You could be wondering what is it about a special friend. I’ll tell you.
A special friend for him is someone whom he could share a mutual feeling of closeness. He’s consistently in touch, he meets you once in a while, you spend movie nights together on the couch with some popcorns and drinks. Some nights, you’d have dinner. You sit hours and hours hugging each other. You both laugh at funny scenes and stay close. He rubs your shoulder while your head rests on his chest. He would play with your hair then touches your arm as yours lay across his tummy. There are times that he holds your hand and you try to fit your fingers in between the spaces of his. He tickles you a lot. You also try to tickle him back but it just doesn’t work for him. He kisses your forehead and your nose and your cheeks and your lips. He wraps you tightly in his arms and you just wanted to be there forever.
For you, it is heaven. It is all you ever wanted. But wake up, girl! Remember – no promises, no commitments. There will be no next level to it. There will be no girlfriend-boyfriend thing. And to your advantage, there will be no s**. That’s part of being special friends and that’s what makes it different from being friends with benefits. He makes sure that no one would breach the agreement. He doesn’t want to spoil what he shares with you and he doesn’t want to spoil you.
But let’s take a look at you. You do not see him as an ordinary guy. He’s intelligent and neat and charming and decent. He’s someone ideal and you like him. A lot, actually. But you try to block what you feel because you have a deal. So you start to lie.. to yourself and to him. You try to appear okay everytime you get together. You try to appear cool but deep inside, you are head-over-heels in-love with him. You don’t want to lose him so you just keep what you feel all to yourself. When he’s hugging and kissing you, you’re hugging and kissing him back with all your emotions. You are dying to say those three little words that when you will tell him could break your special friendship apart.. and might cause you to lose him forever.
Ahhh! Why things could be so hard? You might say. It’s a little hard to understand because you definitely like each other. And you wonder why he doesn’t want a relationship?
He is single and unattached. He doesn’t date a lot of women around. He’s (definitely) not gay.
"A fantasy is a wonderful place to be. You can do whatever you want to and nobody can stop you. Well, it does hurt.. but when time and distance is right here between us, it is the most comforting place to be."
