When The Going Gets Tough..

".. the tough gets going."

But how tough can you get when life is pressing you crushingly into the ground?

Today is one of those not-really-good days (I'm trying not to use the word 'bad' here as everything seems to be in that situation already) and not at all different with the other days in the past weeks - only that the more I am trying to tighten my grip, the more hope is trying to slip from my hands.

I am going through a rough road and its end doesn't seem near. It's like being in the middle of the desert and nothing within my sight is not sand, or yet - being inside a long, dark tunnel when no light is defining its end.

It felt like I am in the middle of an ocean in a small, old yatch with the storm hitting hard and the gigantic waves could swallow me whole in just a blink of an eye.

If that would happen, this is gonna be my end.

I went to church because I felt so weak, so helpless and so hopeless. Like my knees could not bring my feet to take a step. I stayed kneeling long after the mass has ended. And there I surrendered myself to God. My mind's too tired now to think. I just kept silent. There are no words coming from me to God. But deep inside I am praying. He knows what's in my heart. He knows what I need. I closed my eyes, with my head down in my clasped hands.

After a while, I remember the Trinity Prayer that one priest taught in a sermon in one of those Novena masses. He said that when you're confused and out of words in prayer, just pray:

"Abba, Father, have mercy on me.

Jesus, wash me with Your precious blood.

Holy Spirit, sanctify me."

And there I was kneeling with my eyes closed, heads down, hands clasped.. I prayed:

"Abba, Father, have mercy on me. 

Jesus, wash me with Your precious blood.

Holy Spirit, sanctify me."

I kept on saying the prayer, over and over again. I did not stopped until I felt the warm tears in my eyes flowing generously on my cheeks. Continuously, I prayed:

"Abba, Father, have mercy on me.  

Jesus, wash me with Your precious blood.

Holy Spirit, sanctify me."

When the gigantic waves are about to sink me deep in the ocean floor, I must pray:

"Abba, Father, have mercy on me. 

Jesus, wash me with Your precious blood.

Holy Spirit, sanctify me."

Silence.

I only asked God one thing. That right this time that the going is really tough, may He give me the strength to keep on going.

"Amen."

Photo Credit: johnlund.com