Unsecured Wireless Network

Unsecured.

That’s how I see you when you first walked into my life. Single and looking for somebody who will be interested in your availability and more importantly, for somebody who may be able to connect.

You were searching and my face went past your screen among the many others. And maybe, you gave a second look at me and thought if this girl can connect with you. Then you clicked on me. You have set your introduction in an email and configured how you will get into my life.

Then the inevitable happened. When your email reached my inbox, I have had no clue that I will be entrapped into something that I would not be able to get myself out of. I responded to your very first email and pronto! Connected!

That has been easy for you. To catch me just like that when you came searching. Luck must be on the lines in the palm of your hands.

With your charm and wit, I fell under your spell. Your persistence and constance have made it to the spot where you wanted to be. In my heart. Without sweat and by just merely talking your heart out. You did that everyday without fail and taking advantage of the power of the wireless connections.

I meet you on my screen everyday. Whether in the form of an email, an offline message or the supremacy of your fingers typing on the other side. Without realizing it early on, you have crossed the threshold of my being.

But what happens when your ‘Open Access-ed’ being had turned into a closed and unreachable entity which I cannot connect with anymore?

Yes. You came into my life unsecured and though you got me connected at the start, I can easily be disconnected from your range at your will.

Now, a sad emoticon on my screen.

The Wind

I gave myself to the wind
And it carried me to where you are
When I met you, I kissed the skies
And I danced in swirls like the fallen leaves
Would not want to touch the ground.

I made friends with the wind
And flewn free like a kite
I explored the skies holding your hand
The wind caresses me like your embrace
You could not be so far.

I felt the wind all around me
Keeping me afloat in the heavens, beyond the skies
But it is not really the wind that carries me
It’s you, my love, who kept me high
Carry me. Love me. Don’t stop. Never tire.

Images and Words

LOVE AT SUNSET

"As when love moves your heart to dance and the music in your ears never stops -
It is when you give out all yourself, not just your heart, but your body.. your soul.. and your mind..
When you arise to see your future in a mystical warming and securing light -
Then you place the entirety of your very being into the palm of your lover's hand."

by TsoCo Lat

Photo Credit: Photobucket.com

Random Thoughts

I draw a line, create a circle and fill the blank space with colors. I would define a curve and illuminate objects, bringing life to an empty canvass and please my very eyes. But does it pleases my heart?

When you smile, when you laugh, when I see you happy – I feel like an angel touching you. When you are sad and crying - I am no less than a comic figure without a heart, without a soul.

The Ringless 'Ring' Finger

I was staring at the blank computer screen while trying to find a subject of what I will write today when my eyes found my ‘ringless’ ring finger. Suddenly, it zapped my thoughts and I could not settle on what I should feel.

But on one part of it, I know that I am happy.

No one owns me. There’s no one who put limits on what I do or where I go. I can attend parties, hang out with friends, wear anything I want and I don’t have to worry about explaining what I do or where I’ve been to someone. I can get take-outs for dinner, go home late and wake up late. It wouldn’t matter at all because I only have myself to take care of. In short, I am free. Yes, that’s what it means by having ‘no ring’ on my ring finger.

I am not anybody’s wife.

If someone would make me wear the ring, that would mean I should be home on time. No more strolling around the malls, no more hanging out with friends every night and less parties. So I would get extra time for chopping the vegetables in the kitchen, doing the laundry and planning the meals for the whole week. I might also have to give up watching the television ‘til the wee hours of the morning because he wanted it quiet when he sleeps. Plus the fact that I don’t have the bed only for myself anymore, I should be a little careful in shifting my sleeping positions during the night. And then there’s the battle whether to keep the lampshade on or off. And do I really have to share the blanket?

Maybe wearing the ring means having to compromise.. and to share.. and to care.. and to let my significant other know that I have to meet some friends after work or I will be late for home. Well, for a woman like me, that’s gonna be a lot of work to do. But on the other hand, I can think about the man who will make me wear the ring. He would have to be really determined to take me as his wife. And for a man to give me his name and to tell the world how much he loves me as he would prove it by the ring, well, that’s gonna be way too important for him than all the football games and board meetings. Much more to say that he’d like me to have his little ones.

That will be an adventure I have yet to discover.

The ring would totally transform my world to having goodmorning kisses, romantic nights, baby bumps and moving my father’s surname to be my middle name.

But what does it really takes for me to wear the ring? The answer could only be Love.

Then I looked again on my finger and wished that someday, I will be wearing one.

Or maybe not?

Photo Credit:  excellent-wedding.cn

A Sad Lament

Like how the desert thirst for even the fewest drops of rain, I missed you. Unfathomable as it may seem to many but I am aching for a moment just to have a sight of you. To hold you would be a stroke of my luck and to love you will be the fate that I would trade the world for. I love you, my everdearest. Though this may sound just like a poetic piece of literature, understand that these words would not be written if my heart is empty and not beating.

You crashed into me one day and our pieces collided altogether that we cannot isolate each from the other. I cannot part myself from you and you from me. We are entwined. It is only human to feel that I am one with you. I submit myself. I surrender.

I felt love in its highest form. Forgiving, unselfish and trusting. This is what you have made me of. There is no reason to refuse it. You are the water that flows in the stream and I am just flowing with you, not being afraid of the fall at the end because right then, I knew that however high the fall would be, you are still with me, enveloping me with your current - because we are whole. The plunge may be deep or the bottom could be rocky and it may hurt but you are with me. And I could find peace with that thought.

However the time and distance separates us now, not even in a brief second of my conscious and unconscious self have you ever parted from my existence on this temporal Earth. We are holding on that one day, we will be together and it will happen someday. Though it may still be a far away place and the absence sometimes makes the hope futile and the someday appears bleak, I believe that I could reach that place with you. The longing only keeps me alive and wanting.

My beloved, you will be the reality of my dreams. And if this is a fairy tale that I am living now, I beseech you to be my real-life Prince. I know in my heart that I could love only you and your love would be enough to keep me forever.

Each day is the beginning of the rest of our lives and I could only regret of the days that I am not with you. It is the sad lament of a heart that loves.

The Battle Between the Heart and the Mind

“One is so brainy, the other is too emotional. At what point could they ever compromise? Or would they ever.. ever compromise?”

With all hair neatly packed up with a big clasp, she wore her black-framed eyeglasses and slipped on her 2-inch heeled shoes that goes with her dark gray suit. One more look in the full-length mirror, pleased with what she saw, then off she go. Smart. Intelligent. Strong. She is a Woman. She will walk confidently and will face the world with firmness like nothing on Earth is negotiable. It’s all in the mind. Everything is in the mind. It was all that matters.

Her ally will greet the world each day depending on the emotion she feels. Her hair lightly falls down on her back & shoulders. She takes time to smell the roses and hear songs. She laughs, she cries. She can wear a smile all day when she is happy and she can stay up all-night crying with her broken-heart. Loving. Caring. Subtle. She is a Woman. What she feels in her heart is all that matters. Love is what makes the world goes round. Without it, the world would stop turning.

When these two are together, that is when the battle begins. And they are practically together each moment of their lives so the battle continuously lives.

“Why can’t you put that smile off?”, the Mind asks the Heart noticing that the other is so blissful one night. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

The Heart gave her a grin. Her eyes are sparkling with what she feels. “You wouldn’t believe how wonderful this guy I met was. He’s just the reality of all my dreams.” And she danced & swirled around the room.

The Mind just stayed put, took off her glasses, turned her lampshade off and without anymore questions, she said, “You should not trust anyone. Don’t get fooled, am telling you.”

The Heart only smiled and dreamingly pulled her blanket up. With the guy in her thoughts, she whispered, “Tonight, please be in my dreams.” and closed her eyes.

In the morning, before the Mind left the house, she wrote a note for the Heart. It says, “ I only care about you. Don’t open up to anyone that would break you into pieces in the end.”

One afternoon after shopping, they are seated on an ice cream parlor in a walkway when suddenly the mobile phone rings. The Mind stared at the Heart closely while the latter was engaged on the call. Afterwards, the Mind asked her, “Same guy?”

With smiles almost reaching her ears, the Heart said, “Yes. He is so sweet and funny and… he likes me.. he even said he loves me.. and I like him, too.. he is one great guy.. isn’t that wonderful?” The Mind can see stars in the Heart’s eyes and she was worried that the Heart is falling in love. She shook her head.

The Mind held the Heart by the hand and told her, “How could you trust that he loves you? How did you know that he is a good person? Nobody knows him. How can you tell me he’s not just playing around? He might be fooling you. And you’re letting yourself be hooked. You are crazy. I already warned you.” The Mind was unbending.

The Heart knows that the Mind would never ever understand what she feels. And yes, she is in love. And it is not a question whether the guy is real or just a fantasy. Right now, the only thing that matters is she feels love and she believes him. Deep inside, she believes that he loves her.

The days had been beautiful. The flowers are pretty. It was so easy to smile and appreciate all the little things around. The Heart and the Mind have not talked as often as before so the Heart left a note one time in the Mind’s bed saying, “I know how much you care and I can only ask you to be happy for me.”

Until one day, the Mind came home and found the Heart in tears. She already knows it. The Heart never listens.. and worse.. she never learns. She went close to her, wiped her tears and whispered to her, “Cry it out loud.. you are just as stubborn as you always are.”

The Heart wrapped her arms tightly to the Mind knowing that she will stand with her no matter how things may be. She heard the Mind saying, “I couldn’t feel like you do but I can always think. That’s what I do. You need me and you got to listen to me. We cannot go our own separate ways. We have to be there for each other at all times.”

“I could only feel.. You would just hear me throbbing and there is no season for it.. There could only be Love and I would open myself when I feel it.. I would not let it pass.. even if it would hurt me in the end.”, the Heart says in between sobs.

The Mind comforted the Heart. “I will look after you from now on. You should let me.”

It took sometime for them to work on things together. It’s not easy to just go with what the other wants. But they were trying to learn how to meet halfway.

In one party they’ve been invited, the Mind saw a guy smiling at her. She just turned her eyes away and look for friends. She noticed the Heart smiling back at the guy.

“You’re starting again!”, the Mind speaks.

Still smiling, “He looks gorgeous, don’t you think?”, the Heart says.

Raising her brows and folding her arms, the Mind turned again to the Heart saying, “He’s dressed nicely but he looks like a Casanova who’s sweeping off the girls feet all over town. You wouldn’t want to be in his list.”

“Oh c’mon, dear. Who knows? He could be the love of my life..”, the Heart begs the Mind.

They heard a strange voice not from afar, telling them, “You’ll never know unless you would take a chance.”

Startled, they both asked, “Who are you?”

Laughing at their confusion, the voice speaks, “It’s me.. the Spirit.. or you can call me Guts.. am your hidden buddy. But now, I need to surface-out between the two of you.”

The Guts continued, “Take a chance, Heart, so you would not be wondering all your life with all the ‘what-could-have-beens’ but always be guarded, and that’s the job for the Mind to do. Don’t walk out on each other and never ignore the other. Compromise is the best thing to always do in life and in love.”

The Mind and the Heart couldn’t react to what they just heard. The Guts is right. That’s the way to do it. And before they even realized, the Guts disappears.

They were surprised to see the good-looking guy walking in their direction.

“Hi, I couldn’t believe that an angel would be in a place like this at this hour of the night”, the guy tries to charm her.

The Heart smiles while the Mind is on the lookout. She said her name and accepts the handshake the guy offered.

That same night upon reaching home, they both found a note on the table. It says, “I always work on call. Just call on me when you need me.”

And the battle came to rest.

The Place

The moment you found me-

It was like I found the place I have longed all my life to be.

I know that I have been threading the journey in the past until now

From where I am before, to where I am now

Because this is where you’ll find me.

In this place,

Where you have been pulling me towards you all this time

And it is only now that I knew

That I have been falling towards you all my life.

The first smile you put on my lips speaks of the enchantment I felt

Even before meeting you

And which I knew would not end there.

How you are making me feel was unspeakable

Each moment with you is eternity

Every beat of my heart goes only to you.

If I could be with you only in my dreams

I would just close my eyes and fall into sleep and be with you.

I wanted to be lost in the feel of your embrace

When your strong arms would hold me like you’ll never let me go

And I will stay there forever.

The magic will go on

Even when the stars would stop sparkling

And the fairies would sleep on us

I don’t need pixie dusts to be able to fly

Because my heart can soar on its own with your love.

And I will turn like a waterwheel

Not wanting to stop, not wanting to end…

Continuously bathing in all of you…

Only wanting to love you.

I will paint images of you in the skies,

I will say your name over and over like a refrain,

I will greet each sunrise with a smile

And I will rest my body at night hearing our songs.

I will be with you because there’s nowhere else for me to be

And there’s no other way to call it but home.

You are my home.

Your heart is my only home.

And that’s the only place I need to be.

Surreal

How do I feel you?

When we are oceans away

And distance separates us.

Why do I feel you?

Each time I close my eyes

I feel your spirit touching me

Touching my face…

Touching my body…

It felt warm on my skin.

I can feel your lips touching mine

Sending me shivers and thrills

I can hear your whispers in my ear

Your fingers in the strands of my hair…

Your arms holding me close…

Your breath on my nape..

It’s all taking me away.

But it stays with me

And I’d just let my eyes remain shut

Because you will slip away

The moment I get back

To the reality of my world

That you are not with me

That I don’t really have you

And I could only wish…

But how do I feel you?

And why do I feel you?

When the dawn is not yet breaking

And the cold night envelopes my solitude

When the empty bed got no allure

I would just lie down lonely

And longing…

And wanting…

And needing…

You.

Online

by TsoCoLate


Rushing out from the office
Running to catch the bus
Often glancing at my watch
There's the red traffic light.

Fifth, seventh, ninth stop
Passengers come and go
Clock was ticking real slow
Leaping my steps to you.

Excited to turn the key
Throw on things silly me
Get the power on and see
You were there waiting for me.

Quoting Myself

"Things always happen in the right time.  Time is always important.
It makes us grow.. makes us mature.. makes us realize things.
We cannot rush according to ourselves because if we do,
things would not turn out right."

Message Sent

Have you ever met someone in your life for the very first time and feel that this person is exactly the right one for you? Even without knowing who he or she is (yet) but there is that instant connection that they both cannot believe exist. Do you believe in fate? In destiny? In soulmates?

Who would ever believe that love can be found in a place like this? When to all the others, this is the place where all the pretensions are.. where everyone is so perfect and nice.. and where each & everyone says that they are looking for real friendships & partners in life.

But well, I think we’d have to respect that because I have two good friends here who were blessed to meet each other and discovered the possibility of real love in this world of wireless connections.

AT HIS PLACE

London, UK

17 May 2009

02:08 am

Sitting at his work desk, browsing over the faces of people. Attention was caught by a photo of a woman with a grin on her face. He clicked on her profile and thought she’s got lovely eyes and wrote a message to her.

IN HER OFFICE

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

17 May 2009

10:05 am

Opened her mail and browsed over her inbox. Got one email with subject, “A friend sent you a message”. Read the message, smiled and replied. She checked on his profile and thought he’s a nice guy.

He found her.

And she opened her doors.

Message Sent.

P.S. Some people are blessed enough to have that magic in their lives. To both of you (they don't want their names mentioned here), my best wishes to your life together ahead. Love you!

It is I.. Loving You

I love you and it is a need, more than wanting

Like the air that we breathe to live

Like the bird have its wings to fly

Like the night would end for another day to come.

I love you like the sun have to cast its rays over Earth

Like the ocean have to touch the shore

Like the moon have to shine and the stars to sparkle

Like the hope brought by the dawn.

I love you like it is the beginning of a new life

Like the breathtaking beauty of paradise

Like the cry of the newborn and a mother’s  lullabye

Like the warmth of a loving touch and a smile.

I love you like the sweetness and the passion in our kiss

Like the movement of our souls to dance

Like the music that only the two of us can hear

Like the beating of our hearts.

I love you and it’s all over me, filling me and lifting me

It is vast, splendid, enchanting - bringing me to infinity

It is loving desiringly, completely and without end

It is I loving you… and you… loving me.

You, Love & I

By TsoCoLate


You found me.
Amongst the multitude of faces
In the diversity of race
At the snap of the moment
You ended your search.

I met you.
A few words traveled
Feeling a fancied spark
One delightful encounter
Straight to the heart.

Love finds us.
Ever wondered of magic
The universe bestowed
Exquisitely amazing
In the quietude of our souls.

Dreams answered.
Silhouetes of the past
Overcasted with warm rays
Wonder and bliss exuded
Meet tomorrow with faith.

Yours Truly

There was one time when a stranger from one of the social networking sites around sent me a message telling me how hopeless he feels that he could not find the right woman for him.

I wrote him this:

"Some people come to our lives and we think that he/she is the one only to find out that we’re alone again in the end - with a broken heart. It usually happen with the same routine everytime: meeting, loving, getting hurt, learning and moving on. But do we ever learn? 

I still believe that the universe has it’s own time for the right things to happen. In God’s own time – the Love you’re looking for will be just there – unexpectedly. And who knows? She may be the One."

I always believe that it is the great power of the universe that would bring two people together and we cannot literally 'look' for love. It could be some sort of destiny or fate but when we will meet that 'Someone' and something happens at the right time like the perfect storm of chemistry, timing and circumstance - it will just happen.. and you'll both fall-in-love.

Photo Credit: freddieknightley.deviantart.com

Quoting Myself..

"Someday is a far away place.
And sometimes, people doesn't get there.
It is a place where real happiness lies.
It is where the lngings of the heart will be fulfilled -
and where joy would not perish.
I hope to reach that place -
that Someday -
with You."

*Whoever 'You' will be :-)

When You Shut Your Ears

"When you shut your ears from the noise of the outside world,
the only sound that you can hear is the beat of your heart..
And then your mind will begin to wander -
How you rush with the time to get things done..
Not having a minute of silence to ponder on the beauty of the world and of life..

When was the last time you walk unhurriedly to glimpse at the beauty of the flower,
or appreciate the warmth of the morning sun and the hope it brings?
When did you last felt the gush of wind that kissed your face and blown your hair,
or the last time you appreciated the beauty of the trees and got amazed with the sea?
When did you last wished upon the stars, gaze at the moon -
and ask them to guide you to make your dreams come true?

When did you last laugh like there is no place for worries and troubles in your mind?

When did you last smiled because there is joy in your heart?

When you shut your ears off from the noise of the outside world -
You can only hear the sound of your heartbeat..

And believe that life exists."


When the noise of the world isn't leaving you even in bed and you're starting to miss precious hours of sleep, try some earplugs. It did worked for me. And yes, I heard the sound of my heartbeat..

A Happy Ending (Fiction)

I was with my bestfriend in a shopping escapade when my mobile phone rings with an unknown number. I answered with a ‘hello’ and the caller says ‘Hi’ – I freezed in awe and convinced myself that I thought wrong. But I know, I was not. I don’t want to sound too excited to hear the voice from the other end and pretend that I don’t have a clue of who my caller was.

“Marge?”, he asked trying to make sure that he’s talking to the right person.

I said, “Yes, this is Marge. And you are?”, as I crossed my fingers hoping that I wasn’t wrong.

“Andy here. I hope you still remember me..”, he said. His voice was hopeful and excited and alive.

I said ‘alive’ because I think that’s the best way to describe it from a person whom I thought was out of existence. Or maybe I was just forgotten.

How in the world could I forget that name. For more than a year time, I didn’t gave up my hopes that one day he will call me and when that happens, everything will be right. It was one year and five months. There was almost nothing to remember between us, but it was so much for me to treasure. The night of our meeting lived in my heart and I can vividly recall each and every moment of it.

I still don’t want him to feel that I knew him instantly.

I said, “Andy from….?”. I don’t want to be suspected of playing games here but I want to conceal myself. Not now. Not so fast.

Again, the eagerness in his voice makes my heart thump louder.

“We met in the safari before.. we actually spent that night in the safari together. C’mon, Marge.. its me..”, his last words is begging me to remember him.

“Uhmmn..,” I mumbled, “Andy..”, and I heard him sigh like he was relieved.

I am obviously out of words. What is there to say?

“So, how are you?”, I asked him.

“I’m good.. fine.. how are you? I am so glad you still have the same number. It’s a long story how I found your number after losing it. This is my lucky day!” It seems that he can’t stop his words. “Marge, I’m not sure whether my timing is right but I really didn’t entertained any second thought to enter my mind because all I need is to call you and ask to meet with you, if you will be available?”

I was startled. What’s with this guy now? He lost and found my number. No details. This is his lucky day – because he found my number? Then he’s talking about right timing and the need to call and meet me. That’s a ‘need’?

“Hey,” I was trying to compose myself. I cannot raise questions now. “Anything urgent? Hahaha.” I hope the sound of my laugh wasn’t fake. “See, I cannot meet you tonight..”, I said, recalling my schedule for the coming nights.

“Tomorrow?”, he asked like he cannot wait.

I don’t understand the rush.

“Okay. Call me around 6pm tomorrow and I’ll confirm if we can meet around 8. Would that be fine?”

Do you know how being lucky sounds like? “Great. Great.” It was in his voice.

“It’s not confirmed yet, just to be clear.” I said.

“Yah, I know. But still, I will look forward to it.” He said in conformity of my idea.

I suddenly remembered that I am with my bestfriend Sally and wondered where she is. I walked without knowing where my feet would lead me. Still feeling a bit lost or amazed, not sure what word would exactly describe how I feel after talking to him.

“So, who called you?”, Sally came from behind, “.. that seemed serious.”, she said.

I looked at her straight in the eye and said, “It was Andy..”. I don’t need to explain to her. My bestfriend knows everything.

***

The next day was a busy day for me so I didn’t have a hard time keeping him out of my head. It helps to get through the day when you’re not counting the hours. At 6pm sharp, my phone was ringing, it was him. The guy wouldn’t miss.

We drove to one of the famous hotels in the city with its fine dining restaurant at the 3rd level overlooking the sea. It was an expensive place but he insisted on. “This place is perfect, you’ll see.”, he told me. We headed to a corner with a table for two and the place is like a part of a park with some street lamps and park benches. The air was filled with a soft instrumental music.

I don’t need to say more because the place is amazing. But what is more overwhelming is the thought of spending a few hours of the night with him. While I was trying to appear cool, I can see the smile that he cannot hide. It is evidently there and it was real.

We preferred to sit in the open where the wind would blow my hair and touch my face. It is not the winter wind anymore but the summer is yet to come. It was indeed a perfect night being seated in a cozy place with a guy whom I once dreamt to be a friend (or more than that) under the stars and before the rushing waves on the shore.

Light conversations came up while we are enjoying dinner. Good food. Good place. Perfect setting.

“Thank you for coming tonight. It was my great pleasure.”, he started.

I smiled. He was looking at me in the eye and there was the genuine feel of his presence beside me.

“Marge, I know that there was something I left before I was gone last year. I am deeply sorry. I really do not know where to start or when to stop saying sorry. I hope it wasn’t too late for me to do this.”

Do I need to hide my true self now? His words strucked me. Oh, yes, there was something he left before he’s gone – and that was me. I was left hanging all alone. I waited each day hoping that he will remember me because I believed him when he told me that he likes me and he feels something special towards me. Because I feel the same. And I was left with questions that I cannot find the answers when all of the sudden, he stopped calling me and I cannot reach him anymore. A few times I tried dialing his number and I failed to contact him. Then I stopped trying.

I was already freaking out with all the questions in my head why he’s gone and out of reach. Thoughts like something bad happened, or he got sick, or had an accident, or maybe he got married, or had a better job in another country, and many more. To shut myself up, I satisfied myself thinking that he doesn’t want me to be a part of his life. I tried to let go. But thinking of him in every waking hour of my life is inevitable.

I looked out in the shore, taking my eyes from his. I am not sure if I can take the moment without getting emotional. I would try hard not to. I rise from my seat and walked a few steps away from the table facing the shore. A better way to conceal my teary eyes.

“Is there anything that you need to tell me?”, I asked him in a soft voice.

The wind blew gently. He followed me and stood beside me. We’re both in front of nature and I can feel the presence of the Almighty like He’s looking directly at us and listening to our hearts.

“It has been foolish the way I talked to you that one night in December when I asked you to go out with me and you refused because it’s already late but still, I endlessly insisted. I honestly don’t know how to apologize for wanting something that I know would scare you off. And when you finally said ‘yes’ to meet me that same night after compromising that we can meet and talk near your place, I just preferred to drink with my friends who came over .”

I recalled that night, vividly.

“Remember, I called you again in the morning and asking you to see me. Again, it was a fool of me to ask you to skip work. It’s unreasonable and I understand your refusal. And after then, I haven’t had the courage anymore..”

I kept my ears open. I can feel that he’s got more to tell.

“Until you send me the message that you don’t want to spoil what’s between us then because we were just starting the friendship and I’m beginning to earn your trust. I am the one who spoiled everything and I wanted to make it right this time.”

“I lost your number because I lost my phone. I don’t know where to reach you. It’s only then that I realized how easy it is to lose a person and not care anymore but in time, I realized that you are the one that I was looking for and I’ve been crazy for not knowing how to find you.”

“Mid last year, I went home with the request of my parents and they asked me to get engaged with a girl from my country. You know very well our culture is like this but I said ‘no’ and I was firm with that. I pleaded my father that I will get married to a girl whom I love and in time, I will bring her to them. I am thankful that my father granted my plea and freed me to go back here.”

“I never stopped looking for ways to find you. I almost asked every person from your country if they know a person by your name ‘Marge’. It is all I got. I also traced from the tours their clients on that date we met but I failed. And I even befriended one guy in the telecom to help me find your number.” Deep sighs in between. “I called all the numbers he supplied me but there was no you.”

I don’t want to pass my judgment on him. Because my heart may be blinded by what I am feeling but my mind is taking control.

“Something inside is telling me to push harder. I am getting crazy because it was too long already and I am afraid that you might not be here anymore. I prayed hard and hoped hard.”

“I frequented the malls near your place in the evenings and weekends, but I didn’t come across you. I also went back to the safari desert a number of times hoping to find you there again. Until this telecom guy gave me three more numbers just the other day, with different names close to yours. I called them all and to end my search, after a year time, the last of the three numbers was yours.”

I looked at him and not knowing what to say, I held his hand with mine and pressed it with my lips. I’m not sure if I can fight my tears. I looked away again. I can feel my body shaking while my heart beats harder. This is not the moment to hide whatever is there to be laid upon. I am so vulnerable.

He faced me, lifted my chin up and looked at me in the eyes. I cannot hold my tears back and I let it flow, which dampen the back of his hand.

“I am so sorry.” He whispered then wiped my tears from both eyes.

He understand I cannot speak. He draw me to his shoulders and kissed my forehead.

Again he whispered, “I cannot afford to lose you again. I will take care of you.”

It was the stars, the rushing sea and us. Sometimes, some things happen without knowing the reason why but I believe that the universe has its own way of bringing two people together in God’s own time. Not his, not mine.

***

Maybe sleep wouldn’t come tonight in my bed. I was lying for two hours and still, my eyes are not closing. I can hear his words over and over again. And feeling how he needs to find me so badly is enough to know his intentions.

I keep on wondering if this is the answer to my prayers. It would be too early to tell. I never had any clue that meeting him would lead on to something like this. This usually happens in movies with all the script carefully written to create a fairy-tale like atmosphere for the audience, but not in real life. Not here in the city where everybody can be anybody’s somebody. Where you meet one person now and never know where he is tomorrow. My mind is wandering around and I cannot stop reading the SMS he sent me after he got home.

It says, ‘I’ve waited for tonight to happen for so long. Trust that I mean it when I said that I will take care of you. Have a good night’s sleep, my dear.’

I remember him telling me ‘I Love You’s’ after we first met over a year ago. I told him to stop because it’s impossible to tell that he loves me after only meeting me a few times. Why is there a need to be lost? Why is there hope to strengthen us to hold on? Why the heart never gives up on love?

How much can you hold a person who means so much to you and never let him or her slip into your grasps? How much freedom do you have to express yourself and tell the world how much you care for someone? How much love can you give without the fear of being hurt and losing it all?

It’s 4am.

Thank God, it’s Friday.