Caught in a Bad Romance (She wants your love!)

Your heart is breaking and you’re listening to ‘Feels Like Home’. Is that some sort of self-healing or theraphy? Can a love song soothe your broken heart? But how could you find comfort when the song only makes you hope on something that appears so bleak? “Something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself.. in your arms..” Ahhh! You are so in-love! “Something in your voice makes my heart beat fast.. hope this feeling last for the rest of my life..” Well, it would surely last if you wouldn’t try to get rid of it.

The person who you thought is ‘The One’ doesn’t have any feeling of romantic affection towards you. How’s that? Talk about destiny and soulmates and that is all he’s not! You have felt all the magic and have seen all the chemistry and you are only waiting for him to..

“Time.. I’ve been passing time watching trains go by..” Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The clock is ticking and there’s not a single clue from him that he’s gonna tell you what you wanted to hear. Or what you’re hoping all your life to hear, or what you’re wishing so hard to hear, or what you’re fervently praying to hear. You already stripped a number of leaf from your calendar and still there’s nothing from him. You’re hanging on the thinnest thread of hope that you’ve got. ‘What if? What if he would?’, you say. “Something’s telling me it might be you..”

But what if he would not? What would happen to the months and years of emotional investment you had?

You have to accept that you could never be more than friends. Yes, “it must have been love..” but your fantasies should be over now. You could never be lovers and that you have to start letting go and try moving on. You may say “I know I’ll never love this way again..” but don’t hold on. Let go and love again. Maybe not exactly the same way but take yourself out there and love again.

Get out of your shell, out of your fantasies. Face the reality. Stop ‘preserving’ yourself for the hope that one day, he will realize that he feels the same way like you do. Open up yourself to others. Who knows? You might bump with your ‘Valentine’ just around the corner.

And please! Stop singing “I miss you like crazy.”

Why He Doesn't Want a Relationship?

 
He doesn’t want a commitment. He doesn’t want to make any promises.  He doesn’t want a relationship. But he gets close to you and calls you a ‘special friend’. Not friends with benefits but a special friend. You could be wondering what is it about a special friend. I’ll tell you.

A special friend for him is someone whom he could share a mutual feeling of closeness. He’s consistently in touch, he meets you once in a while, you spend movie nights together on the couch with some popcorns and drinks.  Some nights, you’d have dinner. You sit hours and hours hugging each other. You both laugh at funny scenes and stay close. He rubs your shoulder while your head rests on his chest. He would play with your hair then touches your arm as yours lay across his tummy. There are times that he holds your hand and you try to fit your fingers in between the spaces of his. He tickles you a lot. You also try to tickle him back but it just doesn’t work for him. He kisses your forehead and your nose and your cheeks and your lips. He wraps you tightly in his arms and you just wanted to be there forever.

For you, it is heaven. It is all you ever wanted. But wake up, girl! Remember – no promises, no commitments. There will be no next level to it. There will be no girlfriend-boyfriend thing. And to your advantage, there will be no s**. That’s part of being special friends and that’s what makes it different from being friends with benefits. He makes sure that no one would breach the agreement. He doesn’t want to spoil what he shares with you  and he doesn’t want to spoil you.

But let’s take a look at you. You do not see him as an ordinary guy. He’s intelligent and neat and charming and decent. He’s someone ideal and you like him. A lot, actually. But you try to block what you feel because you have a deal. So you start to lie.. to yourself and to him. You try to appear okay everytime you get together. You try to appear cool but deep inside, you are head-over-heels in-love with him. You don’t want to lose him so you just keep what you feel all to yourself. When he’s hugging and kissing you, you’re hugging and kissing him back with all your emotions. You are dying to say those three little words that when you will tell him could break your special friendship apart.. and might cause you to lose him forever.

Ahhh! Why things could be so hard? You might say. It’s a little hard to understand because you definitely like each other.  And you wonder why he doesn’t want  a relationship?

He is single and unattached. He doesn’t date a lot of women around. He’s (definitely) not gay.

So, you wonder.. and wonder.. and wonder.

Falling In Love..

"Falling in love is like crossing a skeleton pedestrian bridge."

I am scared of heights. Especially when I could see and feel that I am slowly being ‘physically elevated’ from one place to another. But much, much more when I can literally see that I am moving up or being raised from the ground, the comfort zone wherein I wouldn’t fall hard either I would accidentally slip on my own or when somebody would bump on me carelessly enough to cause me little accidents like stepping on my shoes or make me lose my grip on whatever I have in my hands.

The higher I go up, the more spine-chilling it gets. It’s like the Earth’s stopping its orbit and I am frozen in time – not knowing when I could reach the very last step of it which is the highest. When I would be halfway through it, it’s always a crossroad. Should I move continuously up or should I step down while I can still manage the steps and just take the longer way around to get me to the other side of the road.

It gives an identical feeling when I am at the verge of ‘liking’ somebody way beyond the mere fondness. I have to stop and ask myself: Should I go forward or should I step back? Sometimes it’s just hard to let go of something that you know you’ve always wanted all your life. Though it’s hard to wait around for something that you think ‘might’ not happen but it’s even harder to give it all up when it’s everything that you long to have. It’s hard to let go of the thought that you might possibly fall-in-love.

But like going up the skeleton pedestrian bridge, each step of the way in ‘liking’ and eventually ‘falling’ for someone sends a chilling numbness in my being because of the fact that though it would give me a blissful feeling at the start and knowing that soon I will be at the top of the steps - I would never, ever know what’s waiting for me there. It is always a question if I would remain to be standing there ( which is the most ideal and will make me truly happy), or after reaching the top, my knees would be trembling big time because I have a broken-heart and I have to step down, no matter how shattered I feel.

But then despite this thoughts, I always try to take the steps one at a time, telling myself that in no time, there will be answers to my questions. It might not be really heart-friendly when the other person would not reciprocate what I feel but no one can use directives in matters of the heart. However things would be in the end, more often than not, it is what we feel at present that’s important and the majority are always willing to risk it all to experience the bliss of falling & being in-love.

It was said that ‘To Love With Utter Abandon Without Knowing What The Future Would Bring Is Magic..” It could be simply said as ‘let go of all your fears and just fall-in-love’. And who doesn’t want a little magic in their lives?

When friends would ask me for some good advice, I always tell them this: “When you know what will make you happy, go for it.. sometimes, there’s no second chances..” , with a smile, a blink, a hug and a post-script saying, ‘..but don’t forget to keep half of the love for yourself..’. That is so, when it wouldn’t work out right, they’d still be standing on their feet and wouldn’t be crushed down to the ground. Maybe I should take that advice for myself.

But I always give 100%. And wherever it would bring me, I could use the love or the hurt to toughen my knees and hopefully, to cross the bridge with my heart and soul still intact and my major senses functioning right..

Photo Credits: flicker.com

Thank You, God.. for Chocolates!

A slice of chocolate fudgy cake made my day. The feel of every bite as it melts in my mouth is just heavenly. Did I mention that it was my favorite thing on Earth? (Well, besides the stars and poetry..) Do I still miss the guy? Hmmmn.. not quite sure. But the chocolate cake made me feel that there are things in life that heals broken hearts better than by just letting time deal with the wounds. I could only thank God for chocolates.. Men (uhmmmn.. some of them, maybe..) couldn't be better!

(wink.wink.)

Photo Credit: customconfections.com

Supergirlfriend

She is lovely and amazing. She’s more than a girlfriend. She takes care of you like a mother, she respects you like she’s your younger sister, she sits with you on the couch on weekends to watch ball games like your best buddy, she will be your nurse when you don’t feel well, she’s your chef in the kitchen, she’s the sun you’ll wake up to in the morning and she’s the lullabye that you’ll sleep into the night.

She can simply be your everything. And to her, it’s just her way of loving you. You wouldn’t really see that she’s exerting too much effort because she appears all too natural in her actions and in her words. Any man who could win her heart is really blessed. Not lucky, but blessed.

She understands why you cancelled your date and she doesn’t nag. You will try to explain to her why it happened and she will just say that it’s all okay and she will give you a big hug. She won’t argue with you when she sees you’re mad but she waits for you to cool down to talk things out. She knows what you need even before you ask for it and she doesn’t forget important things that has to do with you.

She doesn’t drag you to the shopping mall to let you wait while she tries on too many dresses and shoes. She knows that those things will bore you but she is so willing to accompany you buy your stuff. She would not want you to be a spendthrift even if you’re earning well. She would not ask you to buy her this and buy her that. She cares about your hard work and you don’t need to impress her with all the expensive stuff that you buy for her. Let her feel her worth and it’s more than enough.

She gives you time to do your own stuff and be with your buddies. She demands for your time reasonably (but with a girlfriend like her, who would not want to give her all of his time?).

When she submits herself to her man, she remains to be faithful. She makes her man feel he’s the “Man” and no other Romeo’s could ever, ever capture her attention. When she’s yours, she’s all yours. And only your unfaithfulness will change that.

She loves with all of her heart and her soul.

And what is it that she asks for her man to do in return?

Only one thing.

Love her for real.

Before Saying "I Do"..

A sneak peek into a woman's thoughts a few minutes before fully committing herself to forever..

"Today, I am going to say ‘Yes’ to the only man who I dreamt of spending the rest of my life with.. to the only man whom I am so willing to give my whole being with - all my heart and all my soul. Today, I will submit myself to love this man forever. I will be One with him and God will be my witness.

All my friends and family admired how beautiful I am in my wedding gown but my mother knows better. She said that she had never seen my face as bright as it is today in her whole life. She knows that I am perfectly happy in having found an amazingly wonderful man who gave his love and who is so willing to share what’s left of his life with me.

Familiar faces surrounds me but remembering their names would not matter now. It was not so hard to acknowledge everyone’s presence because the smile on my lips makes them glad that I appreciate their presence on this very special day of my life.

I can hear people talking and laughing, but I hear them in very low tones, maybe my ears defies me of those because all I can perceive is the sound of the piano instrumental music that keeps me afloat and enchanted.

When my little flower girls begun to march along the aisle, I knew that in a few minutes, I will be stepping my way one-foot-after-the-other towards forever.

All eyes were on me. But my eyes are on him. As the little angels shower my path with petals of white roses, with each step, I am moving closer and closer to the only man I have loved so dearly in all my life.. the only man I will marry.

Our eyes are locked together and everything around us could just fade away. My eyes begun to feel warm and in a second or two, beads of my tears will seep out. Few more steps and our life together will come into being.

Five steps towards him, I am trying hard to control myself not to take a leap and enclose myself in his arms.

In four, I could almost feel the warmth of the palm of his hands as he would reach out his arms to me.

In three, I could not wait for his lips to touch mine.

In two, I am marrying the love of my life.

In one, I do."

The Ringless 'Ring' Finger

I was staring at the blank computer screen while trying to find a subject of what I will write today when my eyes found my ‘ringless’ ring finger. Suddenly, it zapped my thoughts and I could not settle on what I should feel.

But on one part of it, I know that I am happy.

No one owns me. There’s no one who put limits on what I do or where I go. I can attend parties, hang out with friends, wear anything I want and I don’t have to worry about explaining what I do or where I’ve been to someone. I can get take-outs for dinner, go home late and wake up late. It wouldn’t matter at all because I only have myself to take care of. In short, I am free. Yes, that’s what it means by having ‘no ring’ on my ring finger.

I am not anybody’s wife.

If someone would make me wear the ring, that would mean I should be home on time. No more strolling around the malls, no more hanging out with friends every night and less parties. So I would get extra time for chopping the vegetables in the kitchen, doing the laundry and planning the meals for the whole week. I might also have to give up watching the television ‘til the wee hours of the morning because he wanted it quiet when he sleeps. Plus the fact that I don’t have the bed only for myself anymore, I should be a little careful in shifting my sleeping positions during the night. And then there’s the battle whether to keep the lampshade on or off. And do I really have to share the blanket?

Maybe wearing the ring means having to compromise.. and to share.. and to care.. and to let my significant other know that I have to meet some friends after work or I will be late for home. Well, for a woman like me, that’s gonna be a lot of work to do. But on the other hand, I can think about the man who will make me wear the ring. He would have to be really determined to take me as his wife. And for a man to give me his name and to tell the world how much he loves me as he would prove it by the ring, well, that’s gonna be way too important for him than all the football games and board meetings. Much more to say that he’d like me to have his little ones.

That will be an adventure I have yet to discover.

The ring would totally transform my world to having goodmorning kisses, romantic nights, baby bumps and moving my father’s surname to be my middle name.

But what does it really takes for me to wear the ring? The answer could only be Love.

Then I looked again on my finger and wished that someday, I will be wearing one.

Or maybe not?

Photo Credit:  excellent-wedding.cn

The Battle Between the Heart and the Mind

“One is so brainy, the other is too emotional. At what point could they ever compromise? Or would they ever.. ever compromise?”

With all hair neatly packed up with a big clasp, she wore her black-framed eyeglasses and slipped on her 2-inch heeled shoes that goes with her dark gray suit. One more look in the full-length mirror, pleased with what she saw, then off she go. Smart. Intelligent. Strong. She is a Woman. She will walk confidently and will face the world with firmness like nothing on Earth is negotiable. It’s all in the mind. Everything is in the mind. It was all that matters.

Her ally will greet the world each day depending on the emotion she feels. Her hair lightly falls down on her back & shoulders. She takes time to smell the roses and hear songs. She laughs, she cries. She can wear a smile all day when she is happy and she can stay up all-night crying with her broken-heart. Loving. Caring. Subtle. She is a Woman. What she feels in her heart is all that matters. Love is what makes the world goes round. Without it, the world would stop turning.

When these two are together, that is when the battle begins. And they are practically together each moment of their lives so the battle continuously lives.

“Why can’t you put that smile off?”, the Mind asks the Heart noticing that the other is so blissful one night. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

The Heart gave her a grin. Her eyes are sparkling with what she feels. “You wouldn’t believe how wonderful this guy I met was. He’s just the reality of all my dreams.” And she danced & swirled around the room.

The Mind just stayed put, took off her glasses, turned her lampshade off and without anymore questions, she said, “You should not trust anyone. Don’t get fooled, am telling you.”

The Heart only smiled and dreamingly pulled her blanket up. With the guy in her thoughts, she whispered, “Tonight, please be in my dreams.” and closed her eyes.

In the morning, before the Mind left the house, she wrote a note for the Heart. It says, “ I only care about you. Don’t open up to anyone that would break you into pieces in the end.”

One afternoon after shopping, they are seated on an ice cream parlor in a walkway when suddenly the mobile phone rings. The Mind stared at the Heart closely while the latter was engaged on the call. Afterwards, the Mind asked her, “Same guy?”

With smiles almost reaching her ears, the Heart said, “Yes. He is so sweet and funny and… he likes me.. he even said he loves me.. and I like him, too.. he is one great guy.. isn’t that wonderful?” The Mind can see stars in the Heart’s eyes and she was worried that the Heart is falling in love. She shook her head.

The Mind held the Heart by the hand and told her, “How could you trust that he loves you? How did you know that he is a good person? Nobody knows him. How can you tell me he’s not just playing around? He might be fooling you. And you’re letting yourself be hooked. You are crazy. I already warned you.” The Mind was unbending.

The Heart knows that the Mind would never ever understand what she feels. And yes, she is in love. And it is not a question whether the guy is real or just a fantasy. Right now, the only thing that matters is she feels love and she believes him. Deep inside, she believes that he loves her.

The days had been beautiful. The flowers are pretty. It was so easy to smile and appreciate all the little things around. The Heart and the Mind have not talked as often as before so the Heart left a note one time in the Mind’s bed saying, “I know how much you care and I can only ask you to be happy for me.”

Until one day, the Mind came home and found the Heart in tears. She already knows it. The Heart never listens.. and worse.. she never learns. She went close to her, wiped her tears and whispered to her, “Cry it out loud.. you are just as stubborn as you always are.”

The Heart wrapped her arms tightly to the Mind knowing that she will stand with her no matter how things may be. She heard the Mind saying, “I couldn’t feel like you do but I can always think. That’s what I do. You need me and you got to listen to me. We cannot go our own separate ways. We have to be there for each other at all times.”

“I could only feel.. You would just hear me throbbing and there is no season for it.. There could only be Love and I would open myself when I feel it.. I would not let it pass.. even if it would hurt me in the end.”, the Heart says in between sobs.

The Mind comforted the Heart. “I will look after you from now on. You should let me.”

It took sometime for them to work on things together. It’s not easy to just go with what the other wants. But they were trying to learn how to meet halfway.

In one party they’ve been invited, the Mind saw a guy smiling at her. She just turned her eyes away and look for friends. She noticed the Heart smiling back at the guy.

“You’re starting again!”, the Mind speaks.

Still smiling, “He looks gorgeous, don’t you think?”, the Heart says.

Raising her brows and folding her arms, the Mind turned again to the Heart saying, “He’s dressed nicely but he looks like a Casanova who’s sweeping off the girls feet all over town. You wouldn’t want to be in his list.”

“Oh c’mon, dear. Who knows? He could be the love of my life..”, the Heart begs the Mind.

They heard a strange voice not from afar, telling them, “You’ll never know unless you would take a chance.”

Startled, they both asked, “Who are you?”

Laughing at their confusion, the voice speaks, “It’s me.. the Spirit.. or you can call me Guts.. am your hidden buddy. But now, I need to surface-out between the two of you.”

The Guts continued, “Take a chance, Heart, so you would not be wondering all your life with all the ‘what-could-have-beens’ but always be guarded, and that’s the job for the Mind to do. Don’t walk out on each other and never ignore the other. Compromise is the best thing to always do in life and in love.”

The Mind and the Heart couldn’t react to what they just heard. The Guts is right. That’s the way to do it. And before they even realized, the Guts disappears.

They were surprised to see the good-looking guy walking in their direction.

“Hi, I couldn’t believe that an angel would be in a place like this at this hour of the night”, the guy tries to charm her.

The Heart smiles while the Mind is on the lookout. She said her name and accepts the handshake the guy offered.

That same night upon reaching home, they both found a note on the table. It says, “I always work on call. Just call on me when you need me.”

And the battle came to rest.