Why I Wouldn't Settle

by joycemorrison
http://www.peyups.com

''I think I'm keeping this write-up for more than 5 years now and I'm lovin' it the same way as I've had read it the very first time. The writer was amazing- she was able to express herself well. And I can totally relate to every thought that she wrote here. Like her, I just wanna have that someone who will make my heart bounce --- for the rest of my life :-) " - TsoCo Lat

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I'm in my thirties and a victim of those rude questions as to why I'm not yet married, why I don't have a decent boyfriend to speak of, what the hell's wrong with me. But why force myself? If I don't feel it in my bones that I'm supposed to be with a guy, we surely wouldn't be. I mean, we could be "okay" together, and fine, we'll be friends. But if he can't get past my black nail polish or I don't dig his chain-smoking habit, there's zero chance for us to be more than pals. I'll get off at the next stop, thank you very much.

It doesn't even sound appealing, "settling down." It's not like you find the chair you are most comfortable with and then sit on it like a Lazy Boy. Is that what a relationship is? There might be some who'd say, why yes, that's exactly what a good relationship is. But I trust it's more than that. I need no Lazy Boy -- I want a rocking chair. Comfort is good, but I need Passion. I need Fire that will be stoked with an equal Fire of my own. Carrie Bradshaw couldn't have said it plainer to the Russian: I want a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other Love. A tall order but hey, it's worth the wait.

It's not that I don't go out and meet guys. I do. I understand that I have to do my part of being -- what do you call it? -- "out there". Jeez, I've been out there for as long as I can remember. I enjoy and have fun hanging out with them. And I must admit that there are a couple of "prospective" blokes around, a few even quite perfect to be with, you know? Just not the one for me.

So what do I look for in a man, I've been asked countless times. None of your freakin' business, I've replied. But once and for all, here goes.. it's pretty simple, actually: I want someone who'll make my heart bounce. For the rest of my life.

No "honeymoon period" for us. I want a relationship with a honeymoon all throughout, right until our dying day. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps. But I'm stubborn as stubborn does. I just know that there's a guy who's capable to perpetually woo me even after we've had 3 children, 6 grandchildren, and 12 great grandchildren. And he need not worry for I shall as well accordingly respond to his courtship.

I never forgot what I read in one of my personal bibles (The Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach, Dell Books). It went something, like, we must not settle for a lukewarm lover and mild happiness. For deep down we know that lukewarm will turn cold, and mild happiness will become a nameless sadness.

I certainly will try my darn best not to fall into such death trap. I agree that it's nice to have someone to share things with and all that. But if it were merely for the sake of having a boyfriend, let alone a husband -- I wouldn't be only fooling myself, but also be leading the poor guy on. Being selfish is purely human, but I'll take my chances. Besides, I'd rather be single and endure the tactless comments of relatives and old schoolmates, than be with someone who doesn't have the gift to good-naturedly suffer my querks.

And what would make my heart bounce? Aarr. Let that be the deliciously incandescent quality of the man. Really, if I have to give out instructions.. man, I'd rather kill myself.

So I sound a tad jaded. Big deal. Even my own best friends accuse me of being a.. commitment-phobe. Now, waitjustaneffingminute! What am I, a man? Heaven forbid. Please. I don't chicken out of engagements. I don't dangle my mate like a puppet. I don't string along.. oh alright. I don't mean to offend the opposite gender, considering my would-be significant other is part of the male specie. Come to think of it, I think these commitment-phobic people only seem that way because they simply haven't met their match, you know? And when they do, they'd just know it. Just the way I would, too. I don't jump into pseudo-relationships because of the sole but crystal clear reason that I'm holding out for The One. Yes, The One Who Will Make My Heart Bounce. Is that so hard to understand?

The ever cynical Janeane Garofalo reckons that there might be one person in the world for you, but you don't get to meet them. But there are some people who are good at making the person they're with the one. Not bad. But, who really knows, eh? I follow my own heart. Period. When it's time, it's time.

Listen, I am not made of stone, even if others around me think otherwise. I know that there is that one man who can take my many-times-broken heart and magically, effortlessly make it as whole and as bouncy as it could ever be. I confess that it's taking ages for me to find him (and him to find me) but it will all be worth it. I just don't want to end up with a prick, that's all.

-Joyce Morrison

101 Reasons to Stay Single

A long list but definitely lovely. Am sure all the singles out there would love this. - TsoCo Lat

From:  http://earlswynn.hubpages.com/hub/101-reasons-to-stay-single

The Big List Of The Benefits Of Bachelorism

Author’s Note:

Thank you all for your support! When I originally published this article years ago, I never expected it to become so popular! Now that I'm happily engaged and this article has been optioned to be adapted into a TV series, I've created a new list called 101 Reasons to Get (and Stay!) Married. Enjoy, and whether you're single or married, remember: it's your life. Live it however you want to live it.

1. Everything in your house is yours.
2. You don't have to hide gifts, receipts, and other purchase records in ridiculous places.
3. If you buy something "yummy", you don't have to buy twice as much.
4. The only person you have to dress up for is your boss.
5. Your late nights are all yours.
6. Less stuff to move when you do move
7. One bedroom apartments feel more spacious with only one person
8. You never have to ask for permission to orgasm.
9. Only the doctor can tell you what to eat
10. You decide what to shave and when
11. Valentines day costs less
12. No anniversaries to remember
13. No extra birthdays to remember
14. No extra family to shop for during the holidays
15. No irritating in-laws to deal with
16. You can walk around naked whenever you want.
17. Only your sense of decency has any say about where you leave your dirty clothes.
18. You don't have to share
19. You don't have to change your life because someone else has jealousy issues.

20. The only insecurities you have to deal with are your own.
21. Getting that out-of-state job doesn't hinge on what someone else wants or thinks.
22. The only people complaining about music volume are the neighbors.
23. You can fall asleep anywhere without getting any guff for it in the morning.
24. You don't have to use the "headache" excuse anymore.
25. You don't have to worry as much about the "oops, I'm pregnant" factor.
26. The only person who goes through your stuff is you.
27. The only person who sees your inbox is you.
28. More time to spend with friends.
29. You don't have to live with someone who can't stand your parents.
30. If you want to go for pizza at 3am, no one stops you or asks you why.
31. You can date more freely.
32. The cute secretary is fair game.
33. The whole wedding mess? Yeah, none of that to deal with.

34. You don't have to share your closet with anyone else.
35. You always get to watch what you want.
36. You always get to read what you want.
37. You decide when to crawl into bed.
38. You can throw yourself into bed and snore without dire consequences.
39. No one else's annoying (or disgusting) habits to deal with at home.
40. The only fetishes you have to deal with are your own.
41. You can talk to yourself without people saying "what?" or worrying about your sanity.
42. There are religious benefits, if you're into that kind of thing.
43. Single people can still adopt, if you're into that kind of thing.
44. The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own.

45. You don't ever have to wonder if you really love the person you live with.
46. There's only one way to do things- your way.
47. You are the master of the thermostat.
48. The only messes you have to clean up are your own.
49. The only disasters you have to fix are your own.
50. If an argument starts, you can walk away... forever.
51. You don't have to make excuses for yourself.
52. The whole "old maid" thing is so last century.
53. Dinner can be as simple as a frozen burrito.
54. When you eat, you buy and cook for one.
55. No one else is going to eat your leftovers.
56. No one else is going to raid your stash of sweets (you don't even have to hide it!)
57. You don't have to share your bed with anyone.
58. You can even eat in bed if you want to.
59. You can decorate the entire house according to your taste.
60. The only person spending your money is you.
61. Three words: Marriage Tax Penalty.
62. The only debts you have to pay off are your own.
63. Kids with single parents can get more financial aid.
64. Bickering couples are at best a relieving reminder and at worst hilarious.
65. Less pressure about body weight.
66. Married people are fatter on average anyway.

67. Suddenly, it's okay to look (and flirt).
68. It's easier to focus on your career and your dreams.
69. You're the only person who gets to decide if you "need to make more money."
70. The only mood swings you have to deal with are your own.
71. There are a lot of lonely and violently psychopathic people out there.
72. You don't have to change your religious beliefs one bit.
73. There are 6.5 Billion other fish in the sea. That's 6,500 x 1 million. Yeah.
74. Porn is cheaper, easier, and comes in more varieties.
75. The toilet seat only moves when you move it.
76. Cohabitation is legal, fun, and less of a hassle than marriage.
77. You don't have to deal with someone else's kids all the time.
78. Divorce is pricey.
79. You don't have to deal with "compliment fishing."
80. Fewer minutes spent with a phone attached to your ear.
81. No endless nagging.
82. You never have to answer the phone "right now!"
83. You can drink what you want, where you want, and as much as you want.
84. No doubts or worries about someone sleeping around.
85. Things stay where you put them.
86. You can meditate and have your quiet time when you need it.
87. The only thing whining about not being fed is your cat.
88. You can take out the trash when you feel like it.
89. You can shower or bathe when you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want.
90. You can even leave the door open when you shower.
91. The longer you wait, the better you know yourself, instead of someone else.
92. Children learn how to treat themselves by watching how you treat yourself.
93. A bad relationship is like a lingering knife wound- it continues to ruin your whole day.
94. You can be as eccentric as you want.
95. Your car can be as dirty or unusual or artistic as you want.
96. You decide how long it takes to get ready.
97. Say goodbye to heartache, dumping, and being dumped.
98. You get your weekends for you and your projects.
99. You can be the wild friend with all the really juicy stories.
100. You can still get laid. Maybe even more often. Certainly with more variety.
101. Being single and staying single isn't selfish. It should be seen as putting your happiness first (Where it should be.)

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Loved by millions, featured on countless blogs and even optioned for adaptation into a television series, this newly revised and released "Reasons to Stay Single" features nearly a hundred and forty reasons to stay away from commitment-- forever! Whether you're married, single or just looking for a laugh, this "big list of the benefits of bachelorism" is definitely for you!
Check it out at:
http://www.thunderune.com/2011/05/reasons-to-stay-single.html

The Truth About the Single Life

From:  http://thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/sex-and-the-sixties-girl-the-truth-about-the-single-life/
by Anna David

You’d think, after devoting an entire book to my various issues with and feelings about being single, I’d be extremely comfortable with all aspects of it.

You’d think wrong.

And never was that clearer to me than when I was away and surrounded by a group of the happiest, most well-adjusted-seeming, blissfully in love couples— a group made up not only of newlyweds but long-marrieds who had the nerve to behave like newlyweds—and their respective families.

It’s not that I’m always single. It’s not even that I was single while interacting with them, as I was, technically, dating someone back home. But what seemed reasonable—exciting even—in the comfort of my day-to-day life felt like absolutely nothing in the face of all of this coupled off bliss.

“You mean you don’t have children or a husband or even a really serious boyfriend?”, one of the kids of one of the blissfully married couples asked me during a big party taking place under a full moon one Indonesian evening. He was in high school and I felt like I related to him more than I did to his parents, who were far closer to my age. I could easily imagine being in high school, meeting someone like me, and feeling as confused as he seemed to be by my state of affairs.

I shook my head, shame coursing through my body.

I shouldn’t feel shame, though. Right? This is all because of choices I’ve made. Right?

While I never understood people who wanted to marry young—and, when I was younger, I barely understood why people would want to marry at all—at a certain point I got with the program and realized that something I’d always considered mundane and rather predictable actually did appeal. Once at that point, I spent a lot of time cursing myself for having so callously discarded my first love, my college boyfriend, back when I assumed that what we felt for each other was an ever-available commodity that I in no way needed to worry about preserving. Years later, I settled down with Love Number Two; when that ended, I cursed myself for screwing things up.

And thus began my mostly single years.

It’s not that I don’t meet anyone I like. I do. But the dynamic always seems to be off. Either I’m being wooed by—and caving to—a charming commitment phobe or I’m surrendering to a solid, reliable, sound choice who ends up boring me to tears. I’ve sat on therapist’s couches over the issue. Life coaches and hypnotists have even been consulted at times. I’ve been through the various and sundry programs and self-help books. I’ve even counseled others through this. Depending on the day, I have a fear of intimacy, don’t love myself enough, want a relationship too much, want it too little, am not ready, or just haven’t met the right person.

Look, this isn’t supposed to easy. As Helen wrote in Sex and the Single Girl, “We know the married state is the normal one in our culture and anybody who deviates from “normal” has a price to pay in non-acceptance and non-glorification.”

Non-glorification I can handle. Non-acceptance I have a little more trouble with. And I get that just because someone is married with a baby doesn’t mean her struggles are over. I can cite a hundred examples of people in those situations who don’t have anything close to what I want.

At the same time, I long for acceptance. I long to be normal.

The thing is, if I truly believe those final two theories about my current state—that I’m not ready for the big relationship yet or just haven’t met the right person—everything’s okay. Or better than okay. I can tend to my reasonably full life, relishing in the fact that, for the moment, it’s just about my career and my friends and whatever else I want it to be about, with full faith that the next stage is coming. Or I can go onto Facebook, scroll through happy wedding photos, count up the number of people I went to high school with who now have kids, and tell myself that none of this will ever happen for me. I can cling to every guy I start dating, believing he’s my last chance. Or I can —and here I cringe at trotting out the cliché all those therapists and sponsors and life coaches and hypnotists always seem to lean on—try to love myself a little more so that I don’t start buying into the notion that I’m incomplete because I’m not wearing a wedding ring.

And with that in mind, I’d like to offer take two on the question posed to me on that full moon’d Indonesian night: “No, I don’t. Aren’t I lucky?”

Single Saturdays (Part 1)

This is not from the general view of men. I’ll have to make that clear before I would get violent reactions out of this blog. But this is from one lonely guys’ sentiment who’s on the lookout for the perfect woman (in his own terms) to add ‘life’ to his life.. or maybe, to the Saturdays of his life? Inspired by Matt Dunn, the author of ‘From here to Paternity’.

Another Single Saturday? It is when he would open his eyes on a Saturday morning and climbing across the empty side of his double-bed, making his way wearily into the bathroom. Surely, he would feel how Single Saturdays suck.

And for someone who hates Single Saturdays, it remains to be always the same. Waking up sometime around 8, which is the same waking time as it on weekdays, and seeing that there’s no one to spend the morning in the bed with. So he had to get up straight away, chuck some clothes on and step out to get the paper and a hot cup of coffee.. then heading straight back home for breakfast and his usual pathetic attempt at the crossword.

In an hour, he’ll change into his workout gear and head over to the gym, in the vain hope that his Single Saturday might ‘magically’ turn into a Couple Saturday. Because guys doesn’t go to the gym on Saturdays for a workout! But he’d go because he’s hoping that he’ll bump into this gorgeous single girl who’s stuck in the same lonely routine like him.. and they’ll get chatting and maybe one of them will suggest a coffee or a drink or even a dinner.

But of course, there could hardly be any gorgeous single girl at the gym on a Saturday morning. They’ve all been snapped up, or they’ve snapped up someone themselves. So, instead, he’ll spend an hour mixing it up between the weights and the machines while watching obscure sport on the TV screens dotted around the room but always keeping one eye on who’s coming in through, just in case.

Then he’d be back home for lunch because no one likes going out to eat on their own, particularly on a weekend. And because he couldn’t face trudging around the malls on a Saturday either mainly because he’d have to keep pushing past all the loved-up couples who jam the town centre during weekends. So lunch will be followed by an afternoon in front of the TV watching football with a beer or two.

Freedom? He used to think. He can do whatever he want. He’s got no commitments. No need to be somewhere at some specific time, or to do anything he don’t want simply because his girlfriend might fancy it. (This is the best part of being single, yah!?)

But he’s grown tired of it. Tired of constantly being on the lookout for someone who might be a girlfriend material.. Tired of not being able to meet a woman without summing her up, giving her marks out of 10.. wondering if she’s single and flirting with her if she is – and sometimes, even if she isn’t. And tired of going through the same motions time & time again, only to watch the relationship fail because they probably weren’t right for each other in the first place! And only got together because they both hated the idea of Single Saturdays!?

And the reason it’s tiring for him is because of the pressure on him being a single guy. Every time he’d meet a woman, the stress starts. If he think she’s attractive, then he can’t possibly relate to her as a normal human being. There’s always this hidden – in some cases, not so hidden.. agenda of wondering if he would ask her out, and more importantly – wondering what their chances of success would be if he did. He can’t help thinking of every single woman he meet as a sex object, because quite frankly, that’s exactly what they are to him. Even if he doesn’t think they’re attractive, he still feel duty-bound to flirt just a little because if he’s half-decent then he wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. And because women hardly ever, in fact – never, ask men out, he know that he’s safe to do that.

All of it – the nice car, good flat, gym memberships, dressing well, long runs in the evening.. they’re not really to make him feel better (.. and I don’t agree with this!) They’ve all got to do with attracting the opposite sex (Again, this is from one single guy’s point of view and definitely not from you) .. and they’re tiring, too.

So, Single Saturdays, anyone? Or whatever the day of your weekend is….

Photo Credit:  reelmovienews.com

The Ringless 'Ring' Finger

I was staring at the blank computer screen while trying to find a subject of what I will write today when my eyes found my ‘ringless’ ring finger. Suddenly, it zapped my thoughts and I could not settle on what I should feel.

But on one part of it, I know that I am happy.

No one owns me. There’s no one who put limits on what I do or where I go. I can attend parties, hang out with friends, wear anything I want and I don’t have to worry about explaining what I do or where I’ve been to someone. I can get take-outs for dinner, go home late and wake up late. It wouldn’t matter at all because I only have myself to take care of. In short, I am free. Yes, that’s what it means by having ‘no ring’ on my ring finger.

I am not anybody’s wife.

If someone would make me wear the ring, that would mean I should be home on time. No more strolling around the malls, no more hanging out with friends every night and less parties. So I would get extra time for chopping the vegetables in the kitchen, doing the laundry and planning the meals for the whole week. I might also have to give up watching the television ‘til the wee hours of the morning because he wanted it quiet when he sleeps. Plus the fact that I don’t have the bed only for myself anymore, I should be a little careful in shifting my sleeping positions during the night. And then there’s the battle whether to keep the lampshade on or off. And do I really have to share the blanket?

Maybe wearing the ring means having to compromise.. and to share.. and to care.. and to let my significant other know that I have to meet some friends after work or I will be late for home. Well, for a woman like me, that’s gonna be a lot of work to do. But on the other hand, I can think about the man who will make me wear the ring. He would have to be really determined to take me as his wife. And for a man to give me his name and to tell the world how much he loves me as he would prove it by the ring, well, that’s gonna be way too important for him than all the football games and board meetings. Much more to say that he’d like me to have his little ones.

That will be an adventure I have yet to discover.

The ring would totally transform my world to having goodmorning kisses, romantic nights, baby bumps and moving my father’s surname to be my middle name.

But what does it really takes for me to wear the ring? The answer could only be Love.

Then I looked again on my finger and wished that someday, I will be wearing one.

Or maybe not?

Photo Credit:  excellent-wedding.cn