Why I Wouldn't Settle

by joycemorrison
http://www.peyups.com

''I think I'm keeping this write-up for more than 5 years now and I'm lovin' it the same way as I've had read it the very first time. The writer was amazing- she was able to express herself well. And I can totally relate to every thought that she wrote here. Like her, I just wanna have that someone who will make my heart bounce --- for the rest of my life :-) " - TsoCo Lat

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I'm in my thirties and a victim of those rude questions as to why I'm not yet married, why I don't have a decent boyfriend to speak of, what the hell's wrong with me. But why force myself? If I don't feel it in my bones that I'm supposed to be with a guy, we surely wouldn't be. I mean, we could be "okay" together, and fine, we'll be friends. But if he can't get past my black nail polish or I don't dig his chain-smoking habit, there's zero chance for us to be more than pals. I'll get off at the next stop, thank you very much.

It doesn't even sound appealing, "settling down." It's not like you find the chair you are most comfortable with and then sit on it like a Lazy Boy. Is that what a relationship is? There might be some who'd say, why yes, that's exactly what a good relationship is. But I trust it's more than that. I need no Lazy Boy -- I want a rocking chair. Comfort is good, but I need Passion. I need Fire that will be stoked with an equal Fire of my own. Carrie Bradshaw couldn't have said it plainer to the Russian: I want a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other Love. A tall order but hey, it's worth the wait.

It's not that I don't go out and meet guys. I do. I understand that I have to do my part of being -- what do you call it? -- "out there". Jeez, I've been out there for as long as I can remember. I enjoy and have fun hanging out with them. And I must admit that there are a couple of "prospective" blokes around, a few even quite perfect to be with, you know? Just not the one for me.

So what do I look for in a man, I've been asked countless times. None of your freakin' business, I've replied. But once and for all, here goes.. it's pretty simple, actually: I want someone who'll make my heart bounce. For the rest of my life.

No "honeymoon period" for us. I want a relationship with a honeymoon all throughout, right until our dying day. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps. But I'm stubborn as stubborn does. I just know that there's a guy who's capable to perpetually woo me even after we've had 3 children, 6 grandchildren, and 12 great grandchildren. And he need not worry for I shall as well accordingly respond to his courtship.

I never forgot what I read in one of my personal bibles (The Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach, Dell Books). It went something, like, we must not settle for a lukewarm lover and mild happiness. For deep down we know that lukewarm will turn cold, and mild happiness will become a nameless sadness.

I certainly will try my darn best not to fall into such death trap. I agree that it's nice to have someone to share things with and all that. But if it were merely for the sake of having a boyfriend, let alone a husband -- I wouldn't be only fooling myself, but also be leading the poor guy on. Being selfish is purely human, but I'll take my chances. Besides, I'd rather be single and endure the tactless comments of relatives and old schoolmates, than be with someone who doesn't have the gift to good-naturedly suffer my querks.

And what would make my heart bounce? Aarr. Let that be the deliciously incandescent quality of the man. Really, if I have to give out instructions.. man, I'd rather kill myself.

So I sound a tad jaded. Big deal. Even my own best friends accuse me of being a.. commitment-phobe. Now, waitjustaneffingminute! What am I, a man? Heaven forbid. Please. I don't chicken out of engagements. I don't dangle my mate like a puppet. I don't string along.. oh alright. I don't mean to offend the opposite gender, considering my would-be significant other is part of the male specie. Come to think of it, I think these commitment-phobic people only seem that way because they simply haven't met their match, you know? And when they do, they'd just know it. Just the way I would, too. I don't jump into pseudo-relationships because of the sole but crystal clear reason that I'm holding out for The One. Yes, The One Who Will Make My Heart Bounce. Is that so hard to understand?

The ever cynical Janeane Garofalo reckons that there might be one person in the world for you, but you don't get to meet them. But there are some people who are good at making the person they're with the one. Not bad. But, who really knows, eh? I follow my own heart. Period. When it's time, it's time.

Listen, I am not made of stone, even if others around me think otherwise. I know that there is that one man who can take my many-times-broken heart and magically, effortlessly make it as whole and as bouncy as it could ever be. I confess that it's taking ages for me to find him (and him to find me) but it will all be worth it. I just don't want to end up with a prick, that's all.

-Joyce Morrison

101 Reasons to Stay Single

A long list but definitely lovely. Am sure all the singles out there would love this. - TsoCo Lat

From:  http://earlswynn.hubpages.com/hub/101-reasons-to-stay-single

The Big List Of The Benefits Of Bachelorism

Author’s Note:

Thank you all for your support! When I originally published this article years ago, I never expected it to become so popular! Now that I'm happily engaged and this article has been optioned to be adapted into a TV series, I've created a new list called 101 Reasons to Get (and Stay!) Married. Enjoy, and whether you're single or married, remember: it's your life. Live it however you want to live it.

1. Everything in your house is yours.
2. You don't have to hide gifts, receipts, and other purchase records in ridiculous places.
3. If you buy something "yummy", you don't have to buy twice as much.
4. The only person you have to dress up for is your boss.
5. Your late nights are all yours.
6. Less stuff to move when you do move
7. One bedroom apartments feel more spacious with only one person
8. You never have to ask for permission to orgasm.
9. Only the doctor can tell you what to eat
10. You decide what to shave and when
11. Valentines day costs less
12. No anniversaries to remember
13. No extra birthdays to remember
14. No extra family to shop for during the holidays
15. No irritating in-laws to deal with
16. You can walk around naked whenever you want.
17. Only your sense of decency has any say about where you leave your dirty clothes.
18. You don't have to share
19. You don't have to change your life because someone else has jealousy issues.

20. The only insecurities you have to deal with are your own.
21. Getting that out-of-state job doesn't hinge on what someone else wants or thinks.
22. The only people complaining about music volume are the neighbors.
23. You can fall asleep anywhere without getting any guff for it in the morning.
24. You don't have to use the "headache" excuse anymore.
25. You don't have to worry as much about the "oops, I'm pregnant" factor.
26. The only person who goes through your stuff is you.
27. The only person who sees your inbox is you.
28. More time to spend with friends.
29. You don't have to live with someone who can't stand your parents.
30. If you want to go for pizza at 3am, no one stops you or asks you why.
31. You can date more freely.
32. The cute secretary is fair game.
33. The whole wedding mess? Yeah, none of that to deal with.

34. You don't have to share your closet with anyone else.
35. You always get to watch what you want.
36. You always get to read what you want.
37. You decide when to crawl into bed.
38. You can throw yourself into bed and snore without dire consequences.
39. No one else's annoying (or disgusting) habits to deal with at home.
40. The only fetishes you have to deal with are your own.
41. You can talk to yourself without people saying "what?" or worrying about your sanity.
42. There are religious benefits, if you're into that kind of thing.
43. Single people can still adopt, if you're into that kind of thing.
44. The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own.

45. You don't ever have to wonder if you really love the person you live with.
46. There's only one way to do things- your way.
47. You are the master of the thermostat.
48. The only messes you have to clean up are your own.
49. The only disasters you have to fix are your own.
50. If an argument starts, you can walk away... forever.
51. You don't have to make excuses for yourself.
52. The whole "old maid" thing is so last century.
53. Dinner can be as simple as a frozen burrito.
54. When you eat, you buy and cook for one.
55. No one else is going to eat your leftovers.
56. No one else is going to raid your stash of sweets (you don't even have to hide it!)
57. You don't have to share your bed with anyone.
58. You can even eat in bed if you want to.
59. You can decorate the entire house according to your taste.
60. The only person spending your money is you.
61. Three words: Marriage Tax Penalty.
62. The only debts you have to pay off are your own.
63. Kids with single parents can get more financial aid.
64. Bickering couples are at best a relieving reminder and at worst hilarious.
65. Less pressure about body weight.
66. Married people are fatter on average anyway.

67. Suddenly, it's okay to look (and flirt).
68. It's easier to focus on your career and your dreams.
69. You're the only person who gets to decide if you "need to make more money."
70. The only mood swings you have to deal with are your own.
71. There are a lot of lonely and violently psychopathic people out there.
72. You don't have to change your religious beliefs one bit.
73. There are 6.5 Billion other fish in the sea. That's 6,500 x 1 million. Yeah.
74. Porn is cheaper, easier, and comes in more varieties.
75. The toilet seat only moves when you move it.
76. Cohabitation is legal, fun, and less of a hassle than marriage.
77. You don't have to deal with someone else's kids all the time.
78. Divorce is pricey.
79. You don't have to deal with "compliment fishing."
80. Fewer minutes spent with a phone attached to your ear.
81. No endless nagging.
82. You never have to answer the phone "right now!"
83. You can drink what you want, where you want, and as much as you want.
84. No doubts or worries about someone sleeping around.
85. Things stay where you put them.
86. You can meditate and have your quiet time when you need it.
87. The only thing whining about not being fed is your cat.
88. You can take out the trash when you feel like it.
89. You can shower or bathe when you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want.
90. You can even leave the door open when you shower.
91. The longer you wait, the better you know yourself, instead of someone else.
92. Children learn how to treat themselves by watching how you treat yourself.
93. A bad relationship is like a lingering knife wound- it continues to ruin your whole day.
94. You can be as eccentric as you want.
95. Your car can be as dirty or unusual or artistic as you want.
96. You decide how long it takes to get ready.
97. Say goodbye to heartache, dumping, and being dumped.
98. You get your weekends for you and your projects.
99. You can be the wild friend with all the really juicy stories.
100. You can still get laid. Maybe even more often. Certainly with more variety.
101. Being single and staying single isn't selfish. It should be seen as putting your happiness first (Where it should be.)

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Loved by millions, featured on countless blogs and even optioned for adaptation into a television series, this newly revised and released "Reasons to Stay Single" features nearly a hundred and forty reasons to stay away from commitment-- forever! Whether you're married, single or just looking for a laugh, this "big list of the benefits of bachelorism" is definitely for you!
Check it out at:
http://www.thunderune.com/2011/05/reasons-to-stay-single.html

Love is Forgiveness

Someone told me about a story of a newly-wed couple in some far and remote country-side place. After the wedding, the husband had to leave home for a month to work in the city and he had to travel using a long boat ride to reach his place of work. The wife was left alone. After a week or two, the wife started to miss her husband badly and she felt the need to go to cross the river to see him. She doesn’t have any money to pay for the boat ride but regardless, she went to find out if she can get a ride.  She approached the first man with the boat and pleaded to give her a ride and she will pay him later when she comes back after she’d seen her husband. She would surely have some money by then. But the man refused.  She never stopped because the need to see her husband is the most important thing in the world for her now and she would do anything.  She found the second man with a boat who said yes to her but on an indecent condition. She agreed to his condition and off she went to cross the river. Her husband was surprised seeing her and knowing that she has no money to cross the river, he asked her. She told her husband how she got the ride. The husband had gotten really angry and beaten her. He left her after and never came back home.  

Now, the question is: Who’s got the worst character in this little story?

My answer was the unforgiving, unloving husband.

Another answered that it’s the wife because what she did broke everything apart. And we were told that this is the right answer.

Let me tell you why I picked the husband.

There are four characters in the story. The husband, the wife, the first man who’s got the boat and the second man.

The equation here is [ BOY + GIRL = LOVE ] [ LOVE = MARRIAGE ] [ MARRIAGE = HUSBAND + WIFE ]. There was love, therefore there was marriage.

The first man with the boat is the Businessman. You want a ride, pay me the money. It all goes down to business.

The second man with the boat is the Devil. You can get this IF you will give me this. You need to return the favor.. but actually – it is advancing him the favor.

The wife is the typical woman who loves her man. She is weak. She is willing to make sacrifices. All to suffice the need of love. She would trade anything in this world to be with her man.  There’s a lot of her in us. The rich girl who turned her back to a huge inheritance because she loved a farmer. The woman who sacrificed a high-profile career to be a plain housewife. The wife who would not sleep to earn money because her husband has cancer.  Our gender would do anything, struggle through anything – for that four-letter word: LOVE. Who can blame us?

The husband is unforgiving and unloving. The act of his wife is not out of unfaithfulness, nor out of money. It is an act driven by love. The end purpose is love. The end purpose is him. But since he is ruled by ego and pride, he beat his ‘weak’ wife and left her.

You will not leave someone, especially your spouse, for committing a mistake or for doing something out of the way to serve a higher purpose that is Love. None of us has a pure soul. Therefore, we should be able to forgive. And we can only do that when LOVE resides in our HEARTS.



P.S. I really disagree that it is the wife.