Why I Wouldn't Settle

by joycemorrison
http://www.peyups.com

''I think I'm keeping this write-up for more than 5 years now and I'm lovin' it the same way as I've had read it the very first time. The writer was amazing- she was able to express herself well. And I can totally relate to every thought that she wrote here. Like her, I just wanna have that someone who will make my heart bounce --- for the rest of my life :-) " - TsoCo Lat

***

I'm in my thirties and a victim of those rude questions as to why I'm not yet married, why I don't have a decent boyfriend to speak of, what the hell's wrong with me. But why force myself? If I don't feel it in my bones that I'm supposed to be with a guy, we surely wouldn't be. I mean, we could be "okay" together, and fine, we'll be friends. But if he can't get past my black nail polish or I don't dig his chain-smoking habit, there's zero chance for us to be more than pals. I'll get off at the next stop, thank you very much.

It doesn't even sound appealing, "settling down." It's not like you find the chair you are most comfortable with and then sit on it like a Lazy Boy. Is that what a relationship is? There might be some who'd say, why yes, that's exactly what a good relationship is. But I trust it's more than that. I need no Lazy Boy -- I want a rocking chair. Comfort is good, but I need Passion. I need Fire that will be stoked with an equal Fire of my own. Carrie Bradshaw couldn't have said it plainer to the Russian: I want a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other Love. A tall order but hey, it's worth the wait.

It's not that I don't go out and meet guys. I do. I understand that I have to do my part of being -- what do you call it? -- "out there". Jeez, I've been out there for as long as I can remember. I enjoy and have fun hanging out with them. And I must admit that there are a couple of "prospective" blokes around, a few even quite perfect to be with, you know? Just not the one for me.

So what do I look for in a man, I've been asked countless times. None of your freakin' business, I've replied. But once and for all, here goes.. it's pretty simple, actually: I want someone who'll make my heart bounce. For the rest of my life.

No "honeymoon period" for us. I want a relationship with a honeymoon all throughout, right until our dying day. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps. But I'm stubborn as stubborn does. I just know that there's a guy who's capable to perpetually woo me even after we've had 3 children, 6 grandchildren, and 12 great grandchildren. And he need not worry for I shall as well accordingly respond to his courtship.

I never forgot what I read in one of my personal bibles (The Bridge Across Forever, Richard Bach, Dell Books). It went something, like, we must not settle for a lukewarm lover and mild happiness. For deep down we know that lukewarm will turn cold, and mild happiness will become a nameless sadness.

I certainly will try my darn best not to fall into such death trap. I agree that it's nice to have someone to share things with and all that. But if it were merely for the sake of having a boyfriend, let alone a husband -- I wouldn't be only fooling myself, but also be leading the poor guy on. Being selfish is purely human, but I'll take my chances. Besides, I'd rather be single and endure the tactless comments of relatives and old schoolmates, than be with someone who doesn't have the gift to good-naturedly suffer my querks.

And what would make my heart bounce? Aarr. Let that be the deliciously incandescent quality of the man. Really, if I have to give out instructions.. man, I'd rather kill myself.

So I sound a tad jaded. Big deal. Even my own best friends accuse me of being a.. commitment-phobe. Now, waitjustaneffingminute! What am I, a man? Heaven forbid. Please. I don't chicken out of engagements. I don't dangle my mate like a puppet. I don't string along.. oh alright. I don't mean to offend the opposite gender, considering my would-be significant other is part of the male specie. Come to think of it, I think these commitment-phobic people only seem that way because they simply haven't met their match, you know? And when they do, they'd just know it. Just the way I would, too. I don't jump into pseudo-relationships because of the sole but crystal clear reason that I'm holding out for The One. Yes, The One Who Will Make My Heart Bounce. Is that so hard to understand?

The ever cynical Janeane Garofalo reckons that there might be one person in the world for you, but you don't get to meet them. But there are some people who are good at making the person they're with the one. Not bad. But, who really knows, eh? I follow my own heart. Period. When it's time, it's time.

Listen, I am not made of stone, even if others around me think otherwise. I know that there is that one man who can take my many-times-broken heart and magically, effortlessly make it as whole and as bouncy as it could ever be. I confess that it's taking ages for me to find him (and him to find me) but it will all be worth it. I just don't want to end up with a prick, that's all.

-Joyce Morrison

101 Reasons to Stay Single

A long list but definitely lovely. Am sure all the singles out there would love this. - TsoCo Lat

From:  http://earlswynn.hubpages.com/hub/101-reasons-to-stay-single

The Big List Of The Benefits Of Bachelorism

Author’s Note:

Thank you all for your support! When I originally published this article years ago, I never expected it to become so popular! Now that I'm happily engaged and this article has been optioned to be adapted into a TV series, I've created a new list called 101 Reasons to Get (and Stay!) Married. Enjoy, and whether you're single or married, remember: it's your life. Live it however you want to live it.

1. Everything in your house is yours.
2. You don't have to hide gifts, receipts, and other purchase records in ridiculous places.
3. If you buy something "yummy", you don't have to buy twice as much.
4. The only person you have to dress up for is your boss.
5. Your late nights are all yours.
6. Less stuff to move when you do move
7. One bedroom apartments feel more spacious with only one person
8. You never have to ask for permission to orgasm.
9. Only the doctor can tell you what to eat
10. You decide what to shave and when
11. Valentines day costs less
12. No anniversaries to remember
13. No extra birthdays to remember
14. No extra family to shop for during the holidays
15. No irritating in-laws to deal with
16. You can walk around naked whenever you want.
17. Only your sense of decency has any say about where you leave your dirty clothes.
18. You don't have to share
19. You don't have to change your life because someone else has jealousy issues.

20. The only insecurities you have to deal with are your own.
21. Getting that out-of-state job doesn't hinge on what someone else wants or thinks.
22. The only people complaining about music volume are the neighbors.
23. You can fall asleep anywhere without getting any guff for it in the morning.
24. You don't have to use the "headache" excuse anymore.
25. You don't have to worry as much about the "oops, I'm pregnant" factor.
26. The only person who goes through your stuff is you.
27. The only person who sees your inbox is you.
28. More time to spend with friends.
29. You don't have to live with someone who can't stand your parents.
30. If you want to go for pizza at 3am, no one stops you or asks you why.
31. You can date more freely.
32. The cute secretary is fair game.
33. The whole wedding mess? Yeah, none of that to deal with.

34. You don't have to share your closet with anyone else.
35. You always get to watch what you want.
36. You always get to read what you want.
37. You decide when to crawl into bed.
38. You can throw yourself into bed and snore without dire consequences.
39. No one else's annoying (or disgusting) habits to deal with at home.
40. The only fetishes you have to deal with are your own.
41. You can talk to yourself without people saying "what?" or worrying about your sanity.
42. There are religious benefits, if you're into that kind of thing.
43. Single people can still adopt, if you're into that kind of thing.
44. The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own.

45. You don't ever have to wonder if you really love the person you live with.
46. There's only one way to do things- your way.
47. You are the master of the thermostat.
48. The only messes you have to clean up are your own.
49. The only disasters you have to fix are your own.
50. If an argument starts, you can walk away... forever.
51. You don't have to make excuses for yourself.
52. The whole "old maid" thing is so last century.
53. Dinner can be as simple as a frozen burrito.
54. When you eat, you buy and cook for one.
55. No one else is going to eat your leftovers.
56. No one else is going to raid your stash of sweets (you don't even have to hide it!)
57. You don't have to share your bed with anyone.
58. You can even eat in bed if you want to.
59. You can decorate the entire house according to your taste.
60. The only person spending your money is you.
61. Three words: Marriage Tax Penalty.
62. The only debts you have to pay off are your own.
63. Kids with single parents can get more financial aid.
64. Bickering couples are at best a relieving reminder and at worst hilarious.
65. Less pressure about body weight.
66. Married people are fatter on average anyway.

67. Suddenly, it's okay to look (and flirt).
68. It's easier to focus on your career and your dreams.
69. You're the only person who gets to decide if you "need to make more money."
70. The only mood swings you have to deal with are your own.
71. There are a lot of lonely and violently psychopathic people out there.
72. You don't have to change your religious beliefs one bit.
73. There are 6.5 Billion other fish in the sea. That's 6,500 x 1 million. Yeah.
74. Porn is cheaper, easier, and comes in more varieties.
75. The toilet seat only moves when you move it.
76. Cohabitation is legal, fun, and less of a hassle than marriage.
77. You don't have to deal with someone else's kids all the time.
78. Divorce is pricey.
79. You don't have to deal with "compliment fishing."
80. Fewer minutes spent with a phone attached to your ear.
81. No endless nagging.
82. You never have to answer the phone "right now!"
83. You can drink what you want, where you want, and as much as you want.
84. No doubts or worries about someone sleeping around.
85. Things stay where you put them.
86. You can meditate and have your quiet time when you need it.
87. The only thing whining about not being fed is your cat.
88. You can take out the trash when you feel like it.
89. You can shower or bathe when you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want.
90. You can even leave the door open when you shower.
91. The longer you wait, the better you know yourself, instead of someone else.
92. Children learn how to treat themselves by watching how you treat yourself.
93. A bad relationship is like a lingering knife wound- it continues to ruin your whole day.
94. You can be as eccentric as you want.
95. Your car can be as dirty or unusual or artistic as you want.
96. You decide how long it takes to get ready.
97. Say goodbye to heartache, dumping, and being dumped.
98. You get your weekends for you and your projects.
99. You can be the wild friend with all the really juicy stories.
100. You can still get laid. Maybe even more often. Certainly with more variety.
101. Being single and staying single isn't selfish. It should be seen as putting your happiness first (Where it should be.)

.
.
Loved by millions, featured on countless blogs and even optioned for adaptation into a television series, this newly revised and released "Reasons to Stay Single" features nearly a hundred and forty reasons to stay away from commitment-- forever! Whether you're married, single or just looking for a laugh, this "big list of the benefits of bachelorism" is definitely for you!
Check it out at:
http://www.thunderune.com/2011/05/reasons-to-stay-single.html

Love is Forgiveness

Someone told me about a story of a newly-wed couple in some far and remote country-side place. After the wedding, the husband had to leave home for a month to work in the city and he had to travel using a long boat ride to reach his place of work. The wife was left alone. After a week or two, the wife started to miss her husband badly and she felt the need to go to cross the river to see him. She doesn’t have any money to pay for the boat ride but regardless, she went to find out if she can get a ride.  She approached the first man with the boat and pleaded to give her a ride and she will pay him later when she comes back after she’d seen her husband. She would surely have some money by then. But the man refused.  She never stopped because the need to see her husband is the most important thing in the world for her now and she would do anything.  She found the second man with a boat who said yes to her but on an indecent condition. She agreed to his condition and off she went to cross the river. Her husband was surprised seeing her and knowing that she has no money to cross the river, he asked her. She told her husband how she got the ride. The husband had gotten really angry and beaten her. He left her after and never came back home.  

Now, the question is: Who’s got the worst character in this little story?

My answer was the unforgiving, unloving husband.

Another answered that it’s the wife because what she did broke everything apart. And we were told that this is the right answer.

Let me tell you why I picked the husband.

There are four characters in the story. The husband, the wife, the first man who’s got the boat and the second man.

The equation here is [ BOY + GIRL = LOVE ] [ LOVE = MARRIAGE ] [ MARRIAGE = HUSBAND + WIFE ]. There was love, therefore there was marriage.

The first man with the boat is the Businessman. You want a ride, pay me the money. It all goes down to business.

The second man with the boat is the Devil. You can get this IF you will give me this. You need to return the favor.. but actually – it is advancing him the favor.

The wife is the typical woman who loves her man. She is weak. She is willing to make sacrifices. All to suffice the need of love. She would trade anything in this world to be with her man.  There’s a lot of her in us. The rich girl who turned her back to a huge inheritance because she loved a farmer. The woman who sacrificed a high-profile career to be a plain housewife. The wife who would not sleep to earn money because her husband has cancer.  Our gender would do anything, struggle through anything – for that four-letter word: LOVE. Who can blame us?

The husband is unforgiving and unloving. The act of his wife is not out of unfaithfulness, nor out of money. It is an act driven by love. The end purpose is love. The end purpose is him. But since he is ruled by ego and pride, he beat his ‘weak’ wife and left her.

You will not leave someone, especially your spouse, for committing a mistake or for doing something out of the way to serve a higher purpose that is Love. None of us has a pure soul. Therefore, we should be able to forgive. And we can only do that when LOVE resides in our HEARTS.



P.S. I really disagree that it is the wife.

The Truth About the Single Life

From:  http://thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/sex-and-the-sixties-girl-the-truth-about-the-single-life/
by Anna David

You’d think, after devoting an entire book to my various issues with and feelings about being single, I’d be extremely comfortable with all aspects of it.

You’d think wrong.

And never was that clearer to me than when I was away and surrounded by a group of the happiest, most well-adjusted-seeming, blissfully in love couples— a group made up not only of newlyweds but long-marrieds who had the nerve to behave like newlyweds—and their respective families.

It’s not that I’m always single. It’s not even that I was single while interacting with them, as I was, technically, dating someone back home. But what seemed reasonable—exciting even—in the comfort of my day-to-day life felt like absolutely nothing in the face of all of this coupled off bliss.

“You mean you don’t have children or a husband or even a really serious boyfriend?”, one of the kids of one of the blissfully married couples asked me during a big party taking place under a full moon one Indonesian evening. He was in high school and I felt like I related to him more than I did to his parents, who were far closer to my age. I could easily imagine being in high school, meeting someone like me, and feeling as confused as he seemed to be by my state of affairs.

I shook my head, shame coursing through my body.

I shouldn’t feel shame, though. Right? This is all because of choices I’ve made. Right?

While I never understood people who wanted to marry young—and, when I was younger, I barely understood why people would want to marry at all—at a certain point I got with the program and realized that something I’d always considered mundane and rather predictable actually did appeal. Once at that point, I spent a lot of time cursing myself for having so callously discarded my first love, my college boyfriend, back when I assumed that what we felt for each other was an ever-available commodity that I in no way needed to worry about preserving. Years later, I settled down with Love Number Two; when that ended, I cursed myself for screwing things up.

And thus began my mostly single years.

It’s not that I don’t meet anyone I like. I do. But the dynamic always seems to be off. Either I’m being wooed by—and caving to—a charming commitment phobe or I’m surrendering to a solid, reliable, sound choice who ends up boring me to tears. I’ve sat on therapist’s couches over the issue. Life coaches and hypnotists have even been consulted at times. I’ve been through the various and sundry programs and self-help books. I’ve even counseled others through this. Depending on the day, I have a fear of intimacy, don’t love myself enough, want a relationship too much, want it too little, am not ready, or just haven’t met the right person.

Look, this isn’t supposed to easy. As Helen wrote in Sex and the Single Girl, “We know the married state is the normal one in our culture and anybody who deviates from “normal” has a price to pay in non-acceptance and non-glorification.”

Non-glorification I can handle. Non-acceptance I have a little more trouble with. And I get that just because someone is married with a baby doesn’t mean her struggles are over. I can cite a hundred examples of people in those situations who don’t have anything close to what I want.

At the same time, I long for acceptance. I long to be normal.

The thing is, if I truly believe those final two theories about my current state—that I’m not ready for the big relationship yet or just haven’t met the right person—everything’s okay. Or better than okay. I can tend to my reasonably full life, relishing in the fact that, for the moment, it’s just about my career and my friends and whatever else I want it to be about, with full faith that the next stage is coming. Or I can go onto Facebook, scroll through happy wedding photos, count up the number of people I went to high school with who now have kids, and tell myself that none of this will ever happen for me. I can cling to every guy I start dating, believing he’s my last chance. Or I can —and here I cringe at trotting out the cliché all those therapists and sponsors and life coaches and hypnotists always seem to lean on—try to love myself a little more so that I don’t start buying into the notion that I’m incomplete because I’m not wearing a wedding ring.

And with that in mind, I’d like to offer take two on the question posed to me on that full moon’d Indonesian night: “No, I don’t. Aren’t I lucky?”

Un-Inked

It has been sometime since I’ve last been here. The days had been really busy for me in the past months and I could not really find time to write. There had been thoughts, of course, of things that I wanted to put in words but they’ve just flewn out of my mind.

I’ve been pre-occupied with work and working out. No guys. No dates. No extra co-curriculars.

It’s not that I am really loaded with work in the office but I am maximizing my time to put everything in order until I found out that I am deeply submerged with the system I myself created. I cannot even find time to open Facebook on my desktop!

In the evening, after I got home, I would rush to fix my dinner before 7 to be able to do my walking-jogging routine at 8 and be under the stars ‘til 9. The pleasure comes from the beat waves on my ears on a full hour and the trust that I am doing such for my health and to get fit.

But well, writing would always be one of the few ‘love’s-of-my-life’ and my life will never be complete without it. Weaving my thoughts is the most pleasurable thing for me to do after a day’s work or when I’m seeing the sun set on the horizon or when I would step on the beach sands with my naked feet.

Should write soon.

See You Soon

I can't seem to forget the last time we've spent together and it's amazing how the moments are still so vivid in my memory. I can still tell exactly how you look that morning, what you're wearing, how you sat on the couch as you drink your coffee as you run thru your emails, how you greeted and kissed me, how I cuddled beside you on the couch...

The last words you told me was "See you soon."

I never ever though that what you really mean was Goodbye.

2012

When I watched the 2012 last year, it was no more than a movie to me. I have never thought of the scenes again. After all, it's just a movie created by the minds of those people whose imagination run hundredths of miles before we can think of things in ours. They create. We watch. Their mission is to entertain us and if the movie gets sold out in the box office with people walking out completely amazed with the storyline and the effects - then it spells success to its creators.

But a year later, everybody's still talking about 2012. Not the movie per se but the coming of the year 2012 which will be next year.

The endless talks about 2012 leaves me baffled. Should I thought about it seriously when I could not contain all the images in my human mind whenever I would hear stories, read articles or see videos about the coming of the so-called ''end of the world''?

Though I do not want it to disturb me from the things I'm busy with everyday, I could not deny that a part of my mind hungers for knowledge and it is wanting to be fed with information about what's coming ahead. Some might call it curiosity to justify fear or to establish knowledge that would not be of any use when the doomsday come.

When the 9.0 magnitude earthquake hit Japan last Friday (11 March 2011) and tsunamis happen, I was shaken from my bed in the morning when the news greeted my face way before my cup of coffee. It was devastating and I was in great shock.

It was so easy to wash away Earth. From the video footages shown, cars and ships and houses were just flooded away to nowhere.. think about the people! It was only 10 minutes that I arise from sleep and I stood there in front of the television  and I was frozen. The only thought I have in mind is, ''What's happening on Earth?''

The deadline was set on 21st December 2012. They keep on saying that it will be the end of the world. It will be the date when the earth will come to its extinction. It is where the Mayan Calendar ends, as well as the I Ching. It is also said in the Prophecies of Nostradamus and the Merlins. And then there's the Planet X called 'Nibiru' which, according to sources, will hit Earth on the same date. There were also the shifts between the North & the South Poles which will cause horrifying  disasters of unknown proportions. Imagine Earth rotating in the opposite direction!

Simply put but still very hard to translate into words and imagine the unimaginable - the bottomline of what this tells us is that there will be a complete destruction of the world. For those who will be able to survive, we cannot really say that they will be lucky that they'll survive because the question then might be - ''How will you survive after surviving the end of the world?''

*All these are opinions of the author based on general media. This is not for the purpose of spreading information which do not have any basis or documented facts. References are online articles and videos. You are free to comment below if you wish to.

After the March 11, 2011 9.0 magnitude earthquake in Japan, continuous aftershocks are being felt with the average magnitude of 4.5 - 5 and its even reaching to 6 in frequencies of minutes, counting to more than 20 quakes a day.

You can see the real-time list at:
http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/quakes_all.html